Oh Me Oh My, The Jello's Jigglin'!

Lakers At the Trade Deadline: Don't Give Me That Bull, Give Me That One

2010-02-13T11:29:00.000-08:00

Celtic-killer Bulls like to 'pierce' Pauls with their horns.

If anything’s been made clear over this past week regarding our team’s stellar play, it’s not that we don’t need Kobe – it’s that we don’t need Bynum. So…Bynum for Bosh right? Not quite. Think less raptor, and more bull. What? Chicago Bull. Make that bulls.

For the last several years, many Laker fans have fanatically clamored for the services of Kirk Hinrich, and only up until this year have the stars come as close to aligning as they ever have before in this pursuit, as the Lakers now have at their ready-disposal the expiring deals of both Morrison and Farmar while the Bulls have on their end a strong desire to clear some extra salary cap space for this summer’s free agent fest. And in all actuality, adding a capable defender and solid shooter like Hinrich would only further cement our Championship-repeating chances and alleviate some of our deficiencies in speedy-point-guard-defense. But my question is…why stop with one Captain? Could it be, in our mad haste and obsession with the Captain of the U.S.S. Enterprise, we’ve totally forgotten about another effective captain who was once able to man his own ship full of wild animals in the midst of a great storm? Why yes, I’m talking about that crazy, animal-loving-son-of-a-gun, Noah. Joakim that is.

Why not, along with our quest for Kirk, also snag the much-needed services of the tough, gritty, and passionate Joakim Noah? Essentially the deal would then become: Bynum, Farmar, and Morrison for Noah, Hinrich, and whatever fillers are needed to compensate for the discrepancy in Bynum and Noah’s contracts (with Noah still being under his rookie contract of about $3 mill. a year for the next 3 years).

Think about it for just a second. Every year, we get glimpses of how dominant a force Bynum is in the paint, but unfortunately, those glimpses have all come from a mostly Pau-less landscape. Bynum’s been in the league for 5 years, and up to this point, he still doesn’t understand what this team really needs out of him. We’ve gotten tougher and crazier with Ron-ron, so why not take it up a notch and get that Noah guy who harassed the Celtics last year in that historic 7-game series?

Besides, aren’t we always complaining about how passive Bynum is on defense, and how he always seems to lack any sort of fire or urgency out on the floor if he’s not involved in the offense? Well, Noah is the center we’ve always hoped Bynum would become. Noah doesn’t care about scoring – he just goes out there and does all the intangible things his team needs him to do with an unrelenting toughness. He hustles, rebounds, blocks, defends, gets put-backs, and has an admirable, passionate intensity about his game that perfectly complements that of the Mamba’s. Not to mention that he’s already shown a mature reverence for the history of the game by personally coming up to Phil Jackson in the Bulls’ last loss to the Lakers and telling him how much he’s admired and respected Phil’s work and legacy. Noah definitely strikes me as a good listener and an avid learner, a dedicated workhorse that Phil would definitely see eye to eye with. Bynum? He’s still a 22 year-old teenager living out his unfulfilled college-life - a finesse rebounder who will sometimes sleep too much on defense…and sleep too much in real life.

We’ve all seen how much better the Lakers function defensively and offensively without Bynum, but the fact is, we do still need that stronger, tougher inside presence against, well…the Shaqfu. Last year, Odom and Gasol had their way with Ilgauskas and Varejao, but this year, Shaq’s overwhelming fatness has been too much of a presence inside for our bigs to overcome. I hate to admit it, but in our two losses to the Cavs, Shaq has played a major role in diminishing our normal efficiency in the paint and intimidating our frontline at the same time. I had hoped that Bynum would be able to neutralize Shaq at the very least, but as usual, he only wants to show that he can score against him – which he hasn’t really even proven he can do unless he’s getting lobs, given that Shaq stands his ground well against the kid. Sure, Joakim may not exactly be the answer against Shaq (or even Dwight), but I’ll bet you he can out-hustle Shaq for rebounds a lot better than Andrew can.

Yes, I know, many will call me a Bynum-hater and argue that Bynum is way more offensively polished and that even without his effort on defense, his uncanny, alien length is enough to deter most players from coming into the paint. And sure, maybe down the line, when Kobe, Pau, and Odom are all past their primes and we’re aching for some extra scoring punch, we’ll need Bynum to finally be the focal point of our offense, but at this moment, there is no doubt in my mind that Joakim Noah, that curly, pony-tailed, dog-like monster is an overall better fit for our championship team as it now stands.

Noah showing Bynum how to rebound. This picture also promotes Life apparently.

Noah actually knows how to rebound. Unlike Bynum, who usually just hopes that by raising his lengthy arms he’ll inevitably snag some boards, Noah actually goes out and fights for his 12 boards a game, doing so in only a minute more of average game time than Bynum does. And in regards to the offensive discrepancy between the two? At this point, Noah can score just as well as Bynum on some nights by simply using his inherent tenacity to get multiple second-chance buckets. And despite his awkward, twist-up, shooting form, he’s actually shooting better than Bynum at the free throw line (try 77% to Bynum’s 74%). So while we may give up some length and some scoring in Bynum, we aren’t losing out on much in every other area. If anything, we gain a lot more mental/physical toughness and heart from a guy like Noah, who knows how to really work, than we ever will from ‘potentially-amazing’ Bynum.

Obviously, the biggest question is, would Chicago even be willing to part with such a promising, young piece as Noah, who’s made such huge strides this year and has become one of the leading candidates for Most Improved Player? Well, hopefully Bynum has shown enough of his potential to cement the fact that, under the right circumstances (without another big in his stead), he can be a consistently powerful offensive weapon which could greatly help a young Bulls squad looking for more offense outside of the Rose-Deng duo. In essence, the big-swap works for both sides, because on the one hand, the Lakers don’t need another scorer, but a bruising big man who does all of the intangibles, while on the other hand, the Bulls probably need some fire-power down-low wherever they can find it.

In the end, if we stand pat after this Thursday’s trade deadline has passed, I’ll be satisfied. And if we do end up trading Farmar and Morrison for Hinrich, I’ll be guardedly optimistic. After all, by gaining Hinrich, we’d essentially be continuing our inexplicable trend of overpaying tricky, white guys extensive amounts of money for extended periods of time (See Vladimir Radmanovic, Adam Morrison, Sasha Vujacic, and Luke Walton, whose contract expires upon the return of Christ), although the overriding hope is, of course, that Hinrich turns out to be the most productive and consistent out of the bunch.

But, if somehow, we were also able to obtain Joakim Noah in that deal? Well, I’ll be more than ready to pencil us in for our second, post-Shaq era ‘Ship ride. And that Noah guy? He sure knows how to build some ‘ships… (See the Bible. And the Florida Gators’ National Championship history).

The Fridge speaks a lot of bull,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Adam Morrison Steals...A High Five

2010-01-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

The former 3rd overall pick of the 2006 draft, Adam Morrison, hasn't gotten much run this season (understandably) for the loaded Lakers, and the time he has gotten, he hasn't done much but...run. Well, on Sunday night, Adam Morrison pretty much summed up the entire night for the Lakers' BENCH (deodorant helps the stench), which scored a season-high 66 points, by intercepting a high-five between Mavericks' Forward Tim Thomas and his teammate, Kris Humphries. Check out the 15 second mark for the laughs:

Look at Phil Jackson's face. That's the face of a coach that's secretly saying to himself: "Good gawd, I need to give this man more minutes!" Kind of.

In the end, Adam Morrison's proven that not every player at the end of the bench has to be utterly useless after all. You can always be hilariously useless as well. Here's to Adam for cementing himself as one of the league's most hilariously awkward bench players. There's that third pick for ya!

Oh, and Adam hit all his shots tonight going 3-3 from the field. Take that, AMMO haters.

Adam Morrison Makes Laker Garbage Time Fun,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Shannon Brass.

2009-12-23T00:05:00.000-08:00

The Lakers have their own version of New Moon, apparently. During an interview with Derek Fisher last night after the Lakers win over the OKC Thunder, the full moon rose from the east to say hello to all.

Credit to CachookaReborn and...Shannon's mom?

The Lakers like to kick butt. And sometimes, they also like to show it. Enjoy this while you can, you people who enjoy this kind of stuff...It'll most likely be taken down soon. And not just for copyright reasons.

(Purple and) Gold-Finger: Kobe Bryant is a Road Scholar

2009-12-21T11:23:00.000-08:00

My preciousss...ring.

Finger This Out:

Four and one – that would be the Lakers’ most recent record on their first extensive road trip of the season. It could also just as easily describe the number of healthy fingers Kobe Bryant's been working with on his right hand and the one bummy finger that he’s been forced to adjust to on the very same hand. More significantly, however, four and one might better allude to the obsessive image that’s taken captive of Mamba’s mind ever since last season ended – the image of the four rings he’s won and the one ring he still has left to claim for the season. And if his performance on this past road trip was any indication, there was clearly only one finger on Kobe’s mind the entire time - his fifth-ring finger.

Needless to say, starting out a road-trip with your best player’s prized index finger fractured and overly-padded is never an encouraging sign for any team. Fortunately, this is the Lakers we’re talking about, and the best player in discussion just so happens to be the best player for every other team out there as well. So despite fracturing his index finger against the Minnesota Timberwolves last Friday, Kobe Bryant sucked it up like he did a year ago when his pinkie was falling off and converted some of that pain he had to endure through into pain that his opponents could never withstand.

But Superman can only endure so much, and as the Lakers opened up their trip against the Utah Jazz, Kobe came down with a fever that really sucked the life out of his game and his team. If it wasn’t for this one untimely illness in Utah which only added further insult to injury, the Lakers would be sitting right now with a 5-0 record, a 16-game win streak, and an MVP award presentation for Kobe Bryant in December. Kobe’s response? He wants the MVP award handed to him immediately anyway, as he averaged a cool 34.5 pts on 51% shooting, leading the Lakers to a 4-1 road record the rest of the way. In Chicago, he caught fire and made John Salmons look like chopped salmon and Captain Kirk look like Cap’n Crunch ( I don’t even know what this means, but it flows). In Milwaukee came the epic game-winning shot that didn’t happen and then did happen, as Kobe made Charlie Bell look like the Kobe-stopper one second, and then like Charlie the Unicorn the next. Yet another legendary finish to add to an already voluminous archive of Mamba lore. The next two games against the Nets and Pistons were status quo performances for the Mamba, who did his damage early by helping the Lakers build insurmountable leads that their Stench would, inevitably, make surmountable (the bench will regain its proper name when it starts playing more intelligent and controlled team basketball and does a better job of maintaining our 20 point leads), but still hold on to win.

Team Assessment Summary:

Pau Gasol was a beast and really helped Kobe man the team on this past road trip. He demanded the ball more, scored with his norma,l efficient ease, played some solid defense, and “got all the effin’ rebounds” as Andrew Bynum would say (but not do himself). But really, outside of Pau Gasol, Kobe didn’t have much else to rely on in terms of consistency regarding all the rest of his teammates, especially the Stench. Andrew Bynum, of course, continued to show everyone that he hates In-N-Out double-doubles by averaging a paltry 3.8 rebounds and failing to do much else outside of getting his own shots up. He’s yet to have a double-double game since Pau’s return and is quickly reminding everyone why Pau, despite missing the first 11 games of the season, still deserves the All-Star nod over him come February. Ron Artest played consistent defense, but he sure played some inconsistent offense as well. Lamar Odom continued to rebound the ball well and played with a little more intelligent assertiveness, but still only scored in double figures just once. Furthermore, as the supposed leader of the second-unit, Odom has yet to do much leading, unable to steady the Stench scrubs and help maintain the proper flow and balance that the triangle offense entails. Derek Fisher, of course, hit another clutch shot, yet also had another 0 pt game (his fourth of the season, can you believe it, Ripley?). Shannon Brown and Jordan Farmar each had their respective moments (especially Shannon’s Chicago special), but were also mired here and there by questionable shot selection and decision-making, most evident in both their play against Detroit. Adam Morrison, Josh Powell, Sasha Vujacic, and DJ Mbenga…I won’t go any further. The overall point: TGWHK. Thank God we have Kobe. Or as Ron would say – Thank God we have…god? Blasphemous.

Back to Kobe, All-day, Every-day:

Despite all these minor quips, the Lakers are still looking like a dominant powerhouse (especially on defense) that just needs a little tweaking here-and-there to reach full invincibility. The fact that they look this way even with all their inconsistencies is a testament to just how solid the leaders on this team are and a bigger testament to just how much of a consistent guiding force Kobe truly is to this team. As we saw on Saturday night when the Lakers fell to Utah - when Kobe’s out of sorts and unable to passionately lead by example, the team ends up looking just as ill and fractured as he does. Luckily, when Kobe’s Kobe and only has one finger injury to worry about, the Lakers never look like they’re in trouble – even when their Stench gives up big leads or when they find themselves in a jam, trailing by one. Kobe’s still there to save the day. He is, after all, a Road Scholar (and probably a Rhodes Scholar as well) who knows how to steady the ship and get his guys ready for long trips such as these. Four and one against sub-500 teams may not sound impressive, but let’s not forget that everyone plays their best ball against the Lakers – and while they try to play their best against Kobe as well, it never really works out. The Mamba loves playing on the road more than he does at home; undeniably ruthless in the sadistic satisfaction he gets from ripping out the hearts of opposing fans in sold-out arenas who end up chanting his praise anyway…as if he were right at home.

So whether he’s putting on a new ring, tearing a ligament in his pinkie, or fracturing the index finger of his shooting hand, Kobe Bryant sure loves making his precious fingers the center of all basketball attention. There’s a reason why his Nike, puppet-hand shirt only has four fingers –not just because he has four rings, but because he always seems to have one finger end up looking like Luke Walton: you know, injured and inactive. Strangely enough, however, a finger missed for Kobe usually means more fire made when it comes to the continual torching of every opponent standing in his way (just ask Charlie, his name might ring a Bell). Just don’t ask Kobe how his finger’s doing - he’ll give you the finger. And by You, I mean the rest of the league.

(Update: Kobe Bryant has just won his 24th Western Conference Player of the Week Award. Like we didn't know.)

There's a lot of rocky road in the fridge,

Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Corey Brewer Retires Derek Fisher's Jersey

2009-12-12T01:06:00.000-08:00

Late Thursday night, there was some random commotion being made on the internet about Shaq all of a sudden retiring. It was clearly just a joke that managed to get enough buzz as a Twitter trending topic for one night because Shaq ended up playing against the Portland Trail Blazers on Friday before getting poked in the eye and exiting the game for good...to retire. Just kidding... I think.

Well, now there's news that Derek Fisher has also considered suddenly retiring as well. Except this time, there may be some truth to this rumor. Check out this video:

(Fisher looks like he got kameha-meha'd in the process too.)

Corey Brewer is Fisher's personal retirement manager. Does such a thing even exist? Who knows, but on this play, it didn't look like Fish existed.

In other news, the Lakers are on an 11-game win-streak and are now a league best 18-3. Fisher also just decided to come out of retirement, beating Allen Iverson for shortest retirement stint ever.

One-Footed, Sideways-Fading, 3-point-Swishing, Kobe-Special

2009-12-04T23:03:00.000-08:00

Kobe Bryant won a game of H.O.R.S.E on Friday night. Oh yeah, he also won an actual game at the buzzer over Dwayne Wade while he was at it too...

Kobe hit a buzzer-beating bank-shot to end the first half, then he hit a much longer one to end the 2nd half. Length matters, folks - always. On a side note: Where was Adam Morrison running to? I don't know, but seeing him run across the floor to no one in particular made this Laker celebration even more legendary.

Prodigal IverSon to 'Start' Anew in the City of Brotherly Love

2009-12-02T07:37:00.000-08:00

Let's just say that Allen Iverson has had a lot of previous 'practice' with this next team he's chosen to sign with - oh wait, maybe he hasn't...

Can somebody please quickly photo-shop a picture of Iverson in a 76ers jersey for me?! Oh what? never mind...

How ironic is it that, for the first time, a jaw wired shut is the Sixers' biggest problem at point guard and their answer to it all is ...well, the answer, who has never known when or how to completely keep his mouth wired shut? Sometimes the NBA is too Hollywood for its own good. Just when we all thought Allen Iverson was about to 'start' anew as a-New York Knick and effectively complete his eerie, downward transformation into Stephon Marbury 2.0, the Knicks ended up making a complete 180 by saying "no" to Regis Philbin's final answer and opening the door for the Philadelphia 76ers to complete their own 360-turn in their ongoing love-hate relationship with one gritty and dynamic, 6-foot point guard out of Georgetown.

After Allen Iverson quickly made 'not starting' his own 'personal matter' in Memphis by basically forcing the Grizzlies (the only team gracious (or insane) enough to offer him a contract this past summer) to cut their losses and waive him, the Sixers effectively cut to the chase (though 'chase' is probably not the right word in this scenario) after losing their starting guard Louis Williams for 2 months and waved a second 'Hello' to their one-time MVP guard on Wednesday. Although these days, that MVP part of Iverson has become more and more a distant memory in many people's final assessment of his colored legacy - one that's, unfortunately, been greatly overshadowed by all of his snobby remarks, selfish complaints, and incessant practice/bench hating (I bet he wouldn't have had as bad a bench experience if his bench did cooler, more productive things during games like the Lakers bench).

Regardless, Iverson is back in his old stomping grounds of Philadelphia, where he hopes to party like its 2001 all over again - the year of his own personal 1776 independence, when he alone reigned free. He'll finally get his wish this season and start, and he'll most likely start even when Louis Williams returns, either at the 1 or the 2 - unless anyone thinks Willie Green is going to stop him. Yeah no. Free Willy couldn't stop Iverson from starting at this point. With the Sixers on a 7-game losing streak and rookie-guard Jrue Holiday struggling to hold the fort down in Williams' absence, Allen Iverson was the best and only option available for the floundering squad - an option that can still score in a flurry, still help a team win some games, and still sell a couple extra tickets on the side. And yes, he will still make the Eastern Conference All-Stars team (It's like death and taxes baby - a certainty).

Iverson looked healthy enough in Memphis, and during the short moments he was allotted time, he was able to produce and even take over the game at the quick rate only AI can. How much Allen Iverson ends up dominating the ball and disrupting the offense on a squad with "AI Iggy" and Elton Brand remains to be seen, but one thing's for sure: the Sixers should no longer lack a true go-to man to turn to in the 4th quarter with A.I. once again at the helm. He'll have some big, exciting, vintage games where he'll score a ton and he might even average 6-7 assists, but if he truly wants to rewrite his final chapter in Philly under better terms, he'll have to do it by not only winning games, but by winning his teammates and his coaches over with a renewed sense of leadership and cooperation (at the very least, compromise). But who am I kidding? Just let Iverson jack up 20 shots a game and average at least 23 pts, 6 assists, and 2 steals a game for my fantasy team, please.

A little 51-point throwback against Vinsanity in the 2001 Eastern Conference Semi's.

I for one, am genuinely still excited to see the little warrior play because no matter how much drama is always seemingly surrounding him, he still always manages to make it seem like he's playing for his championship life out there on the court each and every single night. His rawest, truest moments as a player and person are seen out on that court, not in the press conference like we're led to believe, when he gets an and1 off a hard blow or hits a clutch jumper and screams in infectious passion. Which makes it all the more sad that such a hard-working, passionare player of Iverson's caliber refuses to go out in a greater blaze of glory and humbly accept a contributing role on a team much better equipped than the Sixers to match his championship ferocity. Then again, at this point, so much damage has already been done to his image that no contender would even dare entertain playing with that kind of fire. But what does that say about Iverson when even Stephon Marbarbie-world was able to make a relatively sane and productive contribution to the Boston Celtics' playoff run last season? I don't know. But at least Iverson isn't wearing a #3 Knicks jersey in honor of Starbury this year.

In the end, I feel kind of jipped that Iverson left the Grizzlies without even having one of his token press conference moments where he either cries, has Larry Brown suddenly pop up out of nowhere, or reiterates the same word a countless number of times. Although, he did provide a little something new this time by retiring for about a week after only playing for about a week...

"The Bench? We talkin' 'bout the bench? Not starting...not starting the game I love - the game I go out there and start for...but playing off the bench. Man, how silly is that? We sittin' here, I'm 'spose to be franchise player, and we in here talkin' bout the bench."

Whether or not Iverson can truly resurrect his career and help turn the struggling Sixers into a competitive team once again will be the main, ongoing questions of his stop-gap stay this season. But if he can at least recreate some of those magical press-interview moments that made him such an entertaining spectacle to watch and listen to, it will all have been worth it in the end. Well, at least for DJ Steve Porter, who likes to make song remixes centered around Allen Iverson quotables.

Joking aside, the little girly fanboy in me (starburst contradiction I know) truly wants to give Iverson the benefit of the doubt this time around and say that he will recapture a piece of his glory days and lead the 76ers to the playoffs, but it's definitely hard to do that when all Iverson has left us with lately are very many doubts with very little to no benefits. We'll get our first answer next Monday, when A.I. is prepared to make his home debut against another one of his old teams, the Denver Nuggets. Once again - perfect poetry. Poetry?! We talkin' about - just kidding. Welcome back, A.I., welcome back.

Some wrong Answers just always seem so right,

The Fridge (Jonathan Hernandez)

Clippers Set A Bear Trap: 22 Point 4th Quarter Comeback

2009-11-29T23:31:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true. On Sunday, the Los Angeles Clippers played defense. So good a defense in fact that the Memphis Grizzlies didn't score in the final 5 minutes of the game. The Grizzlies only scored 7 points the entire quarter. I'm pretty sure Smokey the Bear is a Grizzly bear because the Memphis Grizzlies did everything in their power to help the Clippers put-out whatever offensive fire they had going coming into the 4th (try a 22 point lead). Well, good job, Grizzlies - another forest fire prevented. Either that or the whole team just decided to hibernate for the entire 4th. I could go on forever with the bear references, but check out this 6 minute video of how the Clippers kept the Memphis Grizzlies at 88 for what seemed like...forever:

(Credit to thecalminsanity for this calmly insane video recap. The 4:31 mark is a gem, with Sebastian Telfair awkwardly being held up by Deandre Jordan while looking like a constipated baby...or something. )

The New Jersey Nets could have used a comeback like this against the Lakers last night because just hours after the Clippers made their exciting 4th quarter run on Sunday afternoon, the Nets took to the same court and became the third team to start 0-17. The last team to go 0-17? Why yes, your Comeback Clips. How poetic indeed. News just in: The Nets hate poetry.

Shannon Ball: Shot Straight Out A Shannon

2009-11-27T05:29:00.001-08:00

Benjamin Franklin once said that there are only two certainties in life: Death and taxes. Well, Ben, make that three: Death, taxes, and Shannon Brown dunking on everyone and their moms (well, except for Jason Maxiell, who takes Mother's Day very seriously). What? Yeah, I don't know either. But who cares when you're that high, right? Shannon knows what's up (like...literally):

(Credit to LD2K of TheLakersNation.com for a dynoomitee job!)

Shannon Brown surely makes the idea of a Block Contest sound more and more intriguing and less and less idiotic, doesn't he? And this coming from a guy who still manages to make getting blocked look ridiculously sexy. Now if only we could find some willing victims...(Insert countless links of poor, unfortunate defenders who were caught at the wrong place and the wrong time here! I'm lookin' at you, Varejao.)

Steve Nash: You Need to Wear A Batman Mask!!

2009-11-13T00:03:00.000-08:00

Remember how, as kids, we used to take both our left and right hands, shape them into the 'a-ok' symbols, and then flip them upside down around our eyes to make a Batman-like face mask?

Well, Steve Nash wants all to know that such a gesture is now the new symbolic stand-in for saying: "ARE YOU BLIND?! YOU NEED TO WEAR A BATMAN MASK!...er, GLASSES!"

I love how completely normal and natural Steve Nash acts as he proceeds to bust out such a complicated hand gesture as this in the middle of such a heated moment...and how unfunny and purely serious he finds himself amidst it all. You think this is funny? You need to get yourself some glasses.

Well, on this night, you didn't need Batman glasses to know that the Phoenix Suns were simply no match for their Pacific Division rivals - your Los Angeles Lakers.

The NBA is funnier during in-season than out,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Lakers' Post Preseason Wrap-Up: What We've Learned Thus Far

2009-10-25T14:19:00.000-07:00

Kobe: "Yeah, and aside from Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum, and Lamar Odom, I too also play for the Lakers!!" Artest: "Damnnn, we're that good?!"

So apparently D.J. Mbenga really, and I mean really, likes to shoot mid-range jump shots. Why? I have absolutely no clue. At times it seems as though he just erroneously comes to this horribly misled conclusion that he needs to help pick up the scoring slack behind Kobe and carry this young, offensively challenged team (yeah right) all on his own. Well, I don’t care if he makes 10 jump shots in a row, I will never trust D.J. Mbenga with that shot…unless he’s blocking himself and the ball ricochets off to any other Laker player for a better shot. Stick to the blocks, Deej - that's one area you can let yourself get carried away with all you want (especially on all the Kenyon Martins of the world).

With that little vent out of the way, let’s move on to the more significant developments of the preseason – LIKE BLAKE GRIFFIN ABSOLUTELY ERASING D.J. MBENGA’S LIFE with a thunderous dunk during the Lakers-Clippers Staples shoot out!! Ok ok, I’ll lay off Congo Cash. Promise.

So as the Lakers wrapped up their preseason run this past Friday against the Denver Nuggets to finish 6-2, Laker fans across the nation were finally afforded a more complete and tangible picture of just how much potential damage and firepower this Laker team can dish-out to the rest of the league this upcoming season. While most of our previous theories were confirmed, there were still some surprisingly welcome, new developments that came to the forefront as well that exceeded even our own expectations. Here’s a mini-recap of all the players and events that proved noteworthy of mention in my mind this preseason (and yes, no more DJ Mbenga talk):

- Ron Artest is who we thought he was – or at least has played how we thought he would play. I had a feeling Ron-Ron would come out as a willing facilitator and a consummate role-player, but even he was a little too tentative for my liking. In spite of this, Artest really surprised me with his crafty handles and his overall court vision, proving himself an adept passer and solid triangle operator. I guess on a team like this, Artest’s underrated playmaking abilities can finally gain the credit it deserves; as he had many great passes to many of the Lakers’ big men this preseason (most notably Andrew Bynum). And even if his shot wasn’t on every night, Artest never failed to bring the intensity and grit on both ends of the court that the Lakers are counting on him for this season. Although, doesn’t it seem like Artest makes a better percentage of his threes by floating and fading away off curls than he does by spotting up as a stand-still, Ariza-like shooter? Regardless, this was, overall, a very solid showing for the Tru Warier in his first, unofficial games as a Laker.

- Andrew Bynum looks like he’s in mid-season, beast-mode form. You know that little mad run Bynum had near the end of December and into January last season when he was a consistent 20-10-2 beast? Yeah, that could come a little earlier this year and even carry itself through the ring ceremony of 10-11. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves…Going into preseason, many of us questioned just how healthy and dedicated Bynum would be this year, coming from an inactive off-season filled primarily by college-like sightseeing and backpacking across the world. Well, those doubts have all been erased after Bynum averaged a cool 20.3 ppg and 7.6 rpg in 6 preseason games for the Lakers. While his blocks, rebounds, and overall defense leave something to be desired for, there’s no questioning the fact that Bynum’s offensive game and diverse skill set in the post are primed and ready to propel him into a break-out, All-Star season. So put your braces on kid, time to show the rest of the league why you were picked ahead of Yaroslav Korolev…I mean, Danny Granger.

- Jordan Farmar and Shannon Brown have switched bodies. In a strange new turn of events, our two young point guards have apparently swapped mentalities this season, as Farmar is now the more triangle-sound and under-control, playmaking point guard while Brown has suddenly become the more offensively assertive, jump-shooting friendly scoring guard (complete with high-flying peanut butter jelly jam-time action, of course). While both have done very admirable jobs with the new roles they’ve undertaken this preseason (even playing surprisingly well together on the court at times), it’s definitely interesting to note the changed dynamic between the two. I have to give it up to Farmar, he has played exceptionally well thus far and has shown a real effective knack for finding his teammates at just the right spots on the floor. We always knew Farmar had the ability to become a great playmaker, but now he finally has the mentality to follow suit with it. We can only hope he continues to keep up this stellar play throughout this season and beyond – especially after we get coaxed into resigning him for the midlevel like we’ve done for so many of our other guys in the past. Regarding Farmar’s counterpart, Brown, who's been a little too trigger happy this preseason, we’ve at least got to hand it to him for making a fair amount of all those shots he's hoisted up (including this new turn-around jay of his from the key that he’s effectively added to his repertoire). We also can’t leave out the fact that Brown has been our most consistent, human highlight reel this entire preseason. Gotta love those statue of liberties from just inside the free throw line – and we also gotta love the prevalent 'guard-pushing-guard' dynamic that’s sure to continue between him and Farmar for the rest of the season.

- The Machine has been retooled. It’s just preseason, but Sasha has definitely started to look like that same-old, annoying prepubescent teen shooter that we’ve all grown to love or hate over these past few years. His shot looks wet, he looks a lot more under-control on offense, and even his pesky, out-of-control defense and oscar-winning flops look just as effective as well. Chalk it up to the Samson-Reversal Effect.

- Adam Morrison, ironically, needs some more ammo in his NBA arsenal. Outside of one hot-streak he went on against the Clippers, where he went 4-4 from downtown, Morrison has, unfortunately, been but a shell of his Gonzaga self this preseason. While things look a bit bleak for him this upcoming season, hopefully he gets another small opportunity here and there to prove that he can contribute in any small way.

- Josh Powell is the next Udonis Haslem. Except Haslem starts for the Heat, and Powell is a secondary reserve on the Lakers’ bench. Enough said. Powell to the people!

- Lamar Odom thinks he’s Antawn Jamison. Odom’s shot has surprisingly been very Khloe Kardashian-on from downtown this preseason. He was also very consistent from three during the playoffs as well last season. Is there a positive correlation of sorts developing here? Hmm…Can Lamar Odom re-define his game to become not only a deadly rebounder, but a deadly outside shooter like Antawn Jamison as well? Well, let’s hope so, because he still apparently can’t make wide open lay-ups. Just don’t get too Mbenga-shot happy, LO.

- Kobe is Kobe. If he’s in contention for the MVP award this year, he’ll win it purely off of his unrelenting intensity and tireless ferocity out on the floor. I mean, the man was diving, throwing his body around, and making fun of Cap’n Kid-Jack all at the same time – during PRESEASON! Who knows, he may only average 24 pts this season, but old pops could still end up holding all the hardware in his hands before all is said and done.

- Get better, Pau-pau! Hopefully between now and Tuesday, Pau gets some good old TLC for his sore hamstring and he’ll be good to go for his showdown with Blake Griffin in the Lakers’ season opener against the Clips.

-The Laker Bench mob likes to ‘stand up’ for their rights by sitting down and crossing their legs. Proving that they’re an innovative, fun bunch, the Laker bench has successfully created the new 09-10 pre-made-basket ritual by which all other teams will try and measure up to for the rest of the season. Cross leg right, stomp twice with right leg, then switch and cross leg left.

Ok, enough talk - let’s Beyonce-up this show already, put a ring on it on Tuesday, and get our Laker basketball on for another championship run in Los Angeles! We'll let D.J. be the first to hoist up the trophy next year too because he's just that money - congo cash money.

The Jello's Jigglin' with anticipation,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Take That, Stern

2009-10-23T00:52:00.000-07:00

This year, NBA players on the bench are no longer allowed to stand - automatically negating the common team ritual around the league of bench players standing before their respective team's first basket is made. On Thursday night, during the Lakers preseason game against the Denver Nuggets, the Laker bench made sure that they would stand up for their rights...well, not literally, cus they can't anymore, but... they did stomp and cross their legs from left to right.

Props to the Laker bench for being the first to set this creative, new trend which will most likely see many new and interesting variations from many teams as the year goes on. See, benchwarmers can be productive too. Makes Sasha, Luke, and Adam Morrison's $5 mill. contracts apiece look a little more reasona - ridiculous.

Weapon of Mass Destruction: Unleashing the AMMO Within

2009-10-19T01:16:00.000-07:00

During the past few years, Adam Morrison has drawn a closer resemblance to Academy Award-Winning actor Leonardo DiCaprio than to any passable NBA player currently playing in the league right now. As a more than likely, soon-to-be inductee into the NBA Busts Hall of Fame, Morrison, who once led the nation in scoring while he was at Gonzaga, has seemingly solidified the fact that you can never trust really good, collegiate white players who come out of Gonzaga (see Dan Dickau...John Stockton doesn't count; he was clearly black). While in college, Dan Dickau was to Steve Nash as Adam Morrison was to Larry Bird. In the NBA, both have just become 'was-es' who now only gain notoriety through mention of their past collegiate careers.

As far as the Lakers are concerned, during summer league and into training camp, Morrison was able to make progressive strides in his rehabilitation from a freak knee injury and substantial swagger-loss by averaging 20 pts in summer league play and adopting the role as the team's purest 11am shooter in training-camp. But through the Lakers' first few preseason games, Morrison has seemed like the same timid and lost player that he was just a year prior when he couldn't crack the rotation in either L.A. or Charlotte. On Sunday night during the Lakers preseason game against the Clippers, however, Morrison was determined to prove to the world that unlike Leonardo's sinking fate in Titanic, he wasn't ready to see his own NBA career forever submerged by the depths of utter suckness.

After finally getting some consistent playing time, Morrison was able to settle himself down, patiently find his spots on the floor, and hit his wide open threes en route to an efficient 14 point-outing (easily the most anyone has seen him score in purple and gold) - which also included one off-the-dribble, jump-stop jumper over an opponent that brought back flashes of Gonzaga glory. Ok fine, so the 4 threes that Morrison hit were as wide open as houses with no doors, and the opponent he was able to take advantage of on his one driving shot was former-Laker Kareem Rush, who has had just as hard a time trying to find minutes as Morrison has - but let's not take too much away from a humble, awkwardly-humored guy who can use any positive signs of hope to hang onto in his current state.

Aslan, is that you?

Speaking for myself personally, it's hard not to root for the former college-superstar who has patiently and humbly accepted his lowered state of debasement and stuck through with the gradual renewal process of his NBA game from such a standpoint - this on top of all his struggles with diabetes, crying, making bad commercials about making other people cry, and being unable to bounce back from disappointing seasons marred by injury. But if Morrison can fully regain his confidence and continue to build on his 11am shooting masterpieces by inching closer, hour by hour, to showcasing some of that touch in more real-game situations, he just might be able to reinvent himself as a contributing role-player. Whether or not he'll have any chance to prove himself for the Lakers this upcoming season is unknown, but hopefully for all of Lakers Nation, he'll continue to shoot the lights-out in practice and push Sasha Vujacic to be the best and most annoying Sasha that he can be.

Judging from Morrison's showing on Sunday night, things can only look up from here. He may look like Leonardo Dicaprio, but he sure doesn't want to simply 'act' his way through an NBA career - he wants to truly play it out and belong. His fast track to success: working hard and doing the right things everyday (watch the video for the tips):

He has such a way with words...Let the power of the 'stache rise once again.

The Fridge is armed with extra Ammo,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Walk Like A Man, Prance Like A Pony

2009-10-02T17:48:00.000-07:00

I'm a pony! Be ponies out here!
- Lamar Odom

Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Orlando Magic - watch out. Lamar Odom wants you all to know that...The ponies are here. What? Yes. You heard me - Ponies. Odom's not trippin', he's gallopin'. Why didn't the Detroit Pistons ever think of that? Detroit Ponies would have definitely been a more terrifying alternative in team name and mascot choice.

Check out the Lakers' new, alternate road uniforms. It's sure to strike fear into every bodily organ of every opposing straight man.

The Lakers opened up training camp this past Tuesday and the latest newlywed, Lamar Odom, has already laid out the declarative motto of this Championship-Repeating Year. 1,2,3, ring-ring? No, that was soo last year. Try: Bring the Fright with Pony Bright! I don't think even Phil Jackson, in all of his meditative glory, has ever once asked his players to envision themselves as ponies. Frogs on a lily pad, yes. But ponies? Maybe Lamar's going for the counter intuitive approach and letting the rest of the league know that the Lakers are so secure in their manhood that they're fully capable of embracing the pony's prance...

You're not showing me enough PONY out there!!

Forget the Show-Time fastbreak; this year, we're effectively calling it: The Pony Express. This season should prove to be one helluva ride for everyone involved. Pony ride, that is. Put your quarter in, please.

Charlie the Unicorn is pissed,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)
Now part of the TheLakersNation Crew!

The Novakian Domino: Clippers Re-sign Steve Novak As Fear Spreads Across the League

2009-09-11T13:53:00.000-07:00

If you're ever in need of a warm, reassuring hug, Novak's your man.

Talk about stealing Allen Iverson's thunder. Today, the Clippers moved one step closer to Championship lore with the re-signing of 3-point specialist Steve Novak. Sometime late last year during the Clipper's dismal season, Novak was able to provide a refreshing albeit temporal moment of euphoria for Clipper Nation when he sunk in a game winning trey at home against the Nets. You can hear Ralph Lawler's refreshingly nostalgic "Bingo" yell (perhaps the only one he's yelled all year long) ring through amidst the melee in this clip:

Shades of Larry Bird? Same shade of skin tone...

This year, those wide open threes just might hold a little more weight, as Novak will surely become the main beneficiary of a motivated Blake Griffin, a more poised Eric Gordon, an allegedly revived Baron Davis, and...a more sedated, but focused Chris Kaman. Novak will no longer have to get his shots by coming off of multiple screens, but by finding the multiple open spaces he'll now have at his disposal when his man leaves to double up on Blake and Gordon.

Kevin Arnovitz of Clipperblog.com reports that Novak was better than 60% in true shooting percentage last year, meaning he is a rarity in the NBA. Furthermore, Novak is 100% white, another rarity in the NBA.

And it's because of this that Novak shall thrive in his biggest role yet with the Clippers - filling the void that Mark Madsen left behind when he got waived - as top candidate for the 2009-10 congenial white guy of the year award. Adam Morrison, put up or shut up.

Lawler says Bingo for only one man - and that's Steve,
Mike Whang (Lawler's Bingo Card)

Allen Iverson: Their Burden to Bear (Grizzlies Bear that is...)

2009-09-09T17:02:00.000-07:00

The Memphis Grizzlies have just signed Allen Iverson to a one year, $3.5 million contract and I can almost hear Regis Philbin in the background, bemoaningly asking the Memphis front-office, "Is that really your final answer?"

Grr.

So it seems as though Allen Iverson's past forays of chemistry tampering with his recent teams were just mere 'practice' (had to) for the true challenges that lay ahead for him and the Memphis Grizzlies. Whether or not these Grizzlies will be forced to 'bear' the burden of having to coddle and cater to an aging superstar who seems to be tightly hanging onto the laurels of his 2001 glory days will depend primarily upon what Answer they get on and off the court.

In recent years, Allen Iverson has been degraded and resigned to an almost Starbury-like status, in which every team he's been traded to has significantly gotten worse, while every team he's left behind has significantly gotten better. Even the USA Team faltered under his leadership - or maybe we can just blame Marbury for also being on that team. Luckily for Iverson, the comparisons (we hope) start and end with basketball, for he has yet to fully fall off the edge of sanity like Marbury has. Although the two do share an eerily similar love for...crying. Unlike Iverson however, who's emotional breakdowns are usually backed up by sentimentally humanistic triggers, Marbury enjoys videotaping his weep-fests and syncing it up to background gospel music without giving us any explanation whatsoever as to what's going on or why he's even crying. The Grizzlies can only pray that Iverson's final bow takes on a vastly different route than that of Starbury's - or there will be a lot of tears and gospel music (or Elvis music) to go around in Memphis.

Overall though, Iverson has always remained a fan favorite - the small, gritty player that everyone loved to root for because he seemed to represent every underdog's struggle. He always carried this 'prodigal son, bad-boy' image, but because he's always been so open and real about himself, these characteristics made him a more relatable player to the normal everyday person who struggled to live up to the expectations of the world. And though on the court, people like former coach Larry Brown may have continually questioned his shot selection, no one ever questioned his heart and fight. But now as a newly signed Memphis Grizzly, the 'toughest pound-for-pound player' in the league must show that he can be the toughest mind-for-mind player in the league by keeping his mental composure in check if he has any chance at resurrecting his career.

What? You're saying I need practice on how I answer my own questions?

Yes, there will be lots of practices involved - and not just the ones that happen on court, but the ones that will involve relational patience and amiable coexistence with teammates and coaches. And no, Allen Iverson will not be able to jack up the same number of shots that he was able to when he once iterated the word 'practice' in a post-game interview approximately 24 1/2 times (which is already a low in terms of shot-attempts for a man who once led the league in scoring on several different occasions...so every 1/2 counts). Can he develop a more consistent outside shot that will allow the real future cornerstones of the franchise to have more of the ball in their hands? Can he become a Rip Hamilton player and play off screens and cuts? Can he actually become a pass-first 7 apg point-guard rather than the shoot-first 7 apg point guard that he's always been throughout his career? All these questions and more will continue to loom over all our heads until the season begins, but more than anything, Iverson's real battle will happen internally between himself and his ego and whether or not he's willing to sacrifice his own decorated resume for the betterment of his impressionable young teammates.

It will be interesting to see how a backcourt of Allen Iverson, O.J. Mayo, and one ball will all fit, but the bigger question lies on whether or not Iverson will hamper the promising developments of the Grizzlies other burgeoning young players - Rudy Gay, Marc Gasol, Mike Conley, Hasheem Thabeet. Oh yeah, and there's that Zach Randolph guy too, but one can only wonder if that guy's fate will only end up quickly crumbling down like that of another New York Knickerbocker's - Eddy Curry. Either way, if Iverson's truly ready to prove the world wrong, he'll need to re-develop his game as quickly as his young teammates have theirs, or else we could truly end up seeing not one, but several, NBA players' careers die-out because of...'canswer'.

The Fridge has the final answer,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Chris Mihm: The Lost *NSYNC Member

2009-08-29T16:49:00.000-07:00

Contrary to popular belief, the Lakers did not trade Chris Mihm to the Memphis Grizzlies for cash. They actually went back in time to 2001 and traded him to boy-band phenomenon, *NSYNC, in exchange for future amazing NBA mixes 'sync'ed up to flamingly poppish pop music - no strings attached. Well, ladies and gentleman, it's time to reap the benefits of such a transaction:

Probably the only highlight reel that includes clips of the showcased player being posterized.

This video mix ranks right up there with Yi Jianlian's "Beautiful Soul" by Jesse McCartney reel as one of the most obscure and awkward player-music choice mergers in NBA mix history. At the 30 second mark, when Mihm and Mbenga engage in a little scuffle during practice, the lyrics perfectly complement the intensity (and stupidity) of the moment. "It's hard to say I'm sorry. It's hard to make the things I did undone. A lesson I've learned too well for sure." It's only too fitting. And the constant one-second pop ups of DJ Mbenga saying "Daco" are merely extra icings on this already very...white...cake.

Please NBA Season, we 'want you back'.

The Fridge is melting,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Kobe Bryant Strikes Out for His Birthday

2009-08-23T21:56:00.001-07:00

First off - Happy Birthday to the Black Mamba, Kobe Bryant! After being in the league for a thrilling 12 seasons, Kobe Bryant is finally ready to enter his prime years and defiantly prove to the world that 31 is the new 21...Congratulations Kobe, you can now legally drink.

In celebration, ESPN decided to randomly flash up a picture of Kobe Bryant in the middle of a Little League World Series game today during a strike-out replay (via ResultsInconclusive):

Kid: "Hey come back here, Kobe! You can't do that!"

I don't know about you, but I absolutely love watching Kobe Bryant leak out for those easy, break-away...home runs. In the meantime, this little kid can now forever happily say that he was once able to share some ESPN screen time with the great Kobe Bryant on the day of his 31st birthday. Now how many kids can say that? Happy Birthday to you too, little fella.

The Fridge Keeps Things Fresh Well Into Their 30's,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

3-Year Old Kid Knows the Lakers Better Than Your Mom Does

2009-08-21T23:26:00.000-07:00

I'm not even going to add some idiotic, witless intro to this like I usually do, so... just watch this whiz kid:

I bet the Celtic kid can't do that. This little guy is amazing. I'm pretty sure he's the main reason why Lamar Odom decided to stay in LA. Ironic that he had to spend like 24 seconds, the longest out of any player, to decipher Kobe Bryant's number, but only 0.5 seconds to cutely shout out 'Mbenga'. All I know is - impressive. How old are you? And did you even know that Kurt Rambis' jersey number was 31? I only knew he was white. I just hope the cute kid knows his ABC's and 123's just as well though, cus...knowing that #18 is Sasha 'the Machine' Vujacic will never get you very far in life. Neither will actually being Sasha Vujacic the person...

The Fridge Loves Educational Laker Learning,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Some Guy...Dunking

2009-08-20T01:48:00.000-07:00

In the continual battle against the dog days of summer, I strive to not only bring you the most entertaining/amusing NBA content, but also do it in the most unwittiest of ways. So what better way to cure the summer drought than with a little bit of dunking madness from a guy who gets his due pay whenever his feet leave the ground - Guy Dupay. Probably one of the coolest names ever. And probably one of the easiest to clown on. Dupay attention (see, too easy):

The behind the back dunk over 3 peeps was my personal favorite. Just look at how far he takes off on every dunk. His dunking game surely raises his seemingly uninspired name to ever new heights, helping prove that, when it comes to aerial mastery, he's not just another 'guy' in the crowd. He's a guy with a capital G. Guy. Like that.

The Fridge is getting unwittier by the day,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Vindicating Videos

2009-08-19T10:37:00.000-07:00

For the avid NBA fan in August who obsessively continues to stare at rosters and dream of the endless possibilities for the season and his team, there can be no vindication found for the incessant boredom and lack of NBA substance he feels anxiously waiting for the dream season to finally - well, wake up and become a reality. Luckily for Lakers fans, we're blessed and spoiled to have a variety of different quality resources to get us through the dry well of NBA news. Whether it be actual artists like Lil Wayne making rap songs for the team or even unknown talents rapping about the Summer happenings, or a massive variety of witty blogs/forums by which to choose from, or the insane amount of gifted video-editors that Laker Nation has at its disposal who are continually dishing out amazingly professional montages that put the typical NBA intros to shame, Laker fans still have the most to work with. Oh, and I guess winning a championship helps too.

Regardless, I have always been absolutely amazed by and in awe of the continual top-notch quality of Lakers' mixes, which are probably the best and most goosebump-inducing montages on youtube out of any other sports highlights. Well, ok, maybe Yi Jianlian's Jesse McCartney mix tape still tops out at #1, but Laker fan editors and their videos come in at a close second. Anyway, in a continual effort to help assuage Summer nothingness, I bring to you one of the best Kobe Bryant reels I've seen this summer. I know people always say that, but this video, with its seamless blend of music and film, is definitely up there amongst any other video you've once deemed epic. It's definitely emotionally stirring to say the least. Make sure to watch it in HD - it's so real you get to actually feel how it's like to futilely try to defend Kobe Bryant and fail. But feel Vindicated:

(Credit goes to 'theperson18' for making theperson24 the video he deserves.)

There's something about symphonic, string-laden, liturgical music with its continual climactic progressions that just makes everything seem quite legendary. Kind of just leaves you in a state of utter awe at how truly epic the Black Mamba has become. Now someone make a mix-tape of Kwame Brown to those liturgical chants and we'll see if epic and legendary still spew from my mouth in response. Good day to you all!

The Fridge has the best casserole mix-tapes,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Stephon Mar-Barbie World

2009-08-18T09:57:00.000-07:00

So we've come to the month of August. And while the end of June through all of July was a surprisingly upbeat and boisterous time for avid NBA fans, we've unfortunately hit that inevitable wall that is the NBA summer.

Luckily, NBA players know how to entertain. Or torture - depending on the type of person you are.

Stephon Marbury. As if we haven't seen enough insanity and spacey interviews from him already...He's a fan pleaser, though. And what the fans want, the fans get. So it's a no-brainer that he would eventually have to put up a video of himself shirtless, intoxicatedly dancing to 'I'm A Barbie Girl' in a dimly lit room that just screams - eerie.

He never fails to keep it absolutely disturbing, providing the viewers with a variety of awkwardly seductive moves and position switches that occur from the front, to the back, to the side, to the... 'what the H is going on'? But what can you do? Marbury has a knack for knowing exactly what the viewers want to see (sarcasm abounds from here on out). After all, can we really blame him when we as fans have so insistently been clamoring for him to do such a rendition as this for so long? I don't know about you, but it's always been my heart's desire to see fallen NBA stars emphasize their fallen-ness by dancing to such great classics like 'I'm A Barbie Girl'. Well, just like he once catered to his fans with his revolutionary $15 Starbury basketball shoes, Starbury has once again out-did himself and given us what we've always wanted - a little taste of MarBarbie World ( he clearly is in his own world at this point):

Who's down to see Mark Madsen and Stephon Marbury do a little dance number together to the sounds of Mariah Carey's 'Touch My Body' sung by an awkward Korean guy? Ooh, me, me, me!!

Don't look at me like that. It's not like this idea is any more out-of-the-blue than anything else we've seen from the great Vaseline-eating, Devil-blaming, Barbie Girl-Dancing Stephon. Life in plastic, it's fantastic. Or just downright creepy.

The Fridge hates that Barbie and Ken broke up,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Knock-Out NBA News Recap: From Powe to Pau to B-Diddy's Private Pics, Wow!

2009-08-12T19:34:00.000-07:00

General NBA News:

- The Cleveland Cavaliers sign Leon Powe to a two-year deal. If he ever gets healthy and returns to his active 2008 form, the league better watch out. Boston will most likely regret the day they let him go, the day he poetically beats them in a wine and gold jersey, and the day Lebron James' decision to stay with the Cavs hinges solely upon Powe's improvement as a rising star. But let's not get ahead of ourselves - he still has till 2010 before he sees the hardwood.

This train has passed, Boston. Right through Powe's out-stretched legs. What.

- Ben Wallace returns to the Detroit Pistons just after seriously considering retirement. He will most likely back-up the great Kwamay Brown (my how the mighty have fallen). In other news, did you know that Ben Wallace first came into the league as a point guard? Him and Nash were point guard rivals in college. And him and the air were free throw rivals during this game:

Lebron knows what's up.

Lakers News:

- Kurt Rambis nabs the head coaching job for the Minnesota Timberwolves. We wish him the best and hope he can somehow facilitate Ricky Rubio for Sasha Vujacic trade with the Lakers. What impact will this leaving have on the Lakers' championship hopes? Well...they did just get a little less white.

- Pau Gasol injures his left hand during Team Spain's practice and has subsequent surgery soon after. He will be out for 3 weeks and should be just healthy enough before the season begins to effectively resume looking awkward at the free throw line.

Double goose-neck - impressive. Looking like a sasquatch - impressively priceless.

- Someone suggested that we should bubble wrap all the Lakers players for the rest of the summer to insure nobody gets injured. Sounds like a great idea. While we're at it, let's go one step further with Sasha and place him into a nice UPS box and ship him off as well - nicely bubble wrapped and all.

Clippers News:

- A Ramon Sessions signing by the Clippers appears imminent after the Knicks have apparently dropped out of the race. If Dunleavy can nab this rising, young guard, the supporting cast of the future for the L.A. Blakers would appear to be filling out just nicely.

- The Clippers traded a pick to the Hornets for shooting wing-man Rasual Butler. They continue to get significantly deeper and deeper - by bench and by long-ball...especially if 6'10 shooting goddess Steve Novak accepts the current offer sheet being presented to him as well.

- Baron Davis has reportedly gotten his laptop stolen. He is also reportedly very concerned that some private pictures of his found within the laptop might be leaked onto the internet. His lawyers have gotten involved and have sent out a warning to the culprit that if Davis's privacy is violated and these pictures are released, a lawsuit will be filed. What's more perplexing to me is the fact that Baron Davis could possibly have any more embarrassing and disturbing pictures than this one:

Conan O'Brien: He's not afraid of people seeing any sexual pictures...He's afraid of people seeing him wearing a Clippers jersey. Ouch.

We can only hope that 1. Baron Davis didn't go Vanessa Anne Hudgens on us, 2. that he's not friends with R. Kelly, and 3. that every one involved in those pictures is of legal age to go to Dave and Buster's. In the end, who knows, maybe Davis is just hiding some embarrassing cue pictures that he took at an Asian place. In any case, we're all cue-rious.

The Fridge Neatly Packages NBA News For You In Nice, Witty Tupperware,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Rashard Lewis On Hyperizers: Suspended 10 Games for Hella Drug Violation

2009-08-06T21:00:00.000-07:00

Well...someone's up to 'speed' with their game. On the day Rashard Lewis received his 10-game suspension from the league for violating its drug policy and allegedly using performance enhancing drugs, new video surfaces of him rapping about some Hyperizer product while sporting a cool new 'do that just screams - high testosterone levels.

They just be hyperizin'. Why ya'll be criticizin'?

What exactly are Hyperizers? Is that the stuff Rashard Lewis took during the playoffs? Or the stuff he put in his hair? Was he suspended for drugs or...for this commercial? The world may never know. Regardless, Rashard just wants you to know:

Being hyperized is hella fun. How much fun? I said, hella fun. It's not my fault you can't hang. Maybe basketball just ain't your thang.

Rashard is hella suspended. As suspended as his hair is in the air.

Don't criticize. Just hyperize. Here's the emcee list to this rim rockin', chart toppin', hot jam:

Fog Raw: Mo Williams + jerry curls
Velvet Hoop - Kevin Durant
Chief Blocka - Andre Iguodala
Ice-O - Rashard Lewis...on hyperizers.

I'm still honestly not sure what this song is about. All I know is...Someone should have laid a little more low. And that goes for his hair too, Ice-O.

Moral of the day: Listening to Scot Pollard has never gotten anyone very far.

The Fridge is Ice-O'd Out...And Suspended,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Lamar Odom: The Missing Piece That Never Fit

2009-08-04T19:06:00.000-07:00

Lamar Odom - The Goods, The CandyMan, The Enigma.

Riddle Me This, Candy-Man:

Lamar Odom's life has always paralleled that of a misshapen puzzle piece. Like an out-of-place segment with too many jutting curves, Odom has always been such an enigmatic player - so diverse in his skill-set that nobody could ever quite peg down his true player-type or properly define his game. His coaches have forever tried utilizing him in a variety of different ways: playing him here, playing him there - always hoping that he would somehow develop into the missing piece they needed. Analysts, on the other hand, continually went crazy over how such a creative talent as Odom could simply coast through entire seasons without scoring 30 points at least once a month (or even once a season). For fans, his consistent inconsistency and lackadaisical style of play simply drove them nuts...while Odom simply continued to drive left...and eat nuts (the candied variety). Perfect piece to the puzzle? Hardly; he seemed more like the stray piece to an entirely different one altogether. In the end, many will agree that such an analogous depiction of Odom has always extended far past the figurative comparisons and straight into the literal. Because for most everyone, Lamar Odom has always been, quite literally...puzzling.

Nowadays however, many will concur that he represents a good, unique kind of puzzling. For as frustrating as Odom can be for the team that has him on its roster, opposing teams who don't have him on theirs are equally as frustrated when it comes to defending him. And it's been that way ever since Lamar Odom entered the league...or started dribbling a basketball...or realized he was ridiculously long, lanky, and tall...or started referring to himself in third person...or realized candy was sweet. You get the 'picture'. But let's backtrack first, redo that horrible in-bounds pass with Lamar, and reevaluate the history of an enigmatic player who went from underrated puzzlement to well-deserved underrated-ness... in the 'bling' of an eye.

I'm in L.A., trick. I'm in Miami, trick:

Lamar's Game Winner in Rhode Island. Let the hype begin.

Coming out of Rhode Island and being drafted at #4 by the Clippers in 1999, Lamar Odom was immediately touted as a dynamic, game-changing player that one could build an entire franchise around. Odom was 6'10, with the lanky arms of an adept rebounder, the inherent mentality (and occasional ability) to hit threes like a dead-eye shooter, and the court vision and handles like that of a premiere point guard. His rookie numbers? Try 17 ppg, 8 reb, 4 assts, 1 stl, 1 blk, 36% 3pt. Numbers of a star. There was definitely nothing puzzling about those numbers, but up-and-coming stars usually tend to top their own impressive starts year-by-year, not plateau out as Odom eventually did. He showed flashes in his first few years in red and blue, but after awhile (after some unfortunate injury-riddled seasons and continual underwhelming performances), it became apparent that, even for the struggling Clippers of the early 2000's, Odom simply was not built to be the dynamic franchise player that everyone was demanding him to be.

As his rookie contract ran out, the Clippers inevitably turned their eyes away from Odom and set their sights towards more established franchise-pieces such as Elton Brand, allowing other teams like the Heat to take their own chances with the high-risk forward. The Heat did just that in 2003, signing him to a lucrative contract and bringing him to the warmer beaches of Miami (I'll make this quick in sensitivity to all of our recent apprehensive indignations towards a Heat-Wade Summer), a place where he experienced one of the most efficient and noteworthy campaigns of his career. For the first time, he confidently and successfully took on the role as the designated team leader, legitimately almost making the all-star team and nearly leading a young core of Dwayne Wade and Caron Butler to the eastern conference finals. It was a 'revival by Heat' of sorts, but just when he thought he had finallyfound his niche, he was sent packing once again back to Los Angeles - except this time, it was with the legendary Purple & Gold.

I'm in L.A., trick...again:

As if he hadn't been burdened enough with high expectations in the past...He was always expected to be the star, but a star on teams like the Clippers and the Heat (no disrespect). This was Kobe and the Lakers. Careers rose or fell based on championship involvement(or lack thereof). Somewhat fittingly at the time, the Shaq trade to Miami was remembered more by Laker fans as the deal that failed to include Dwayne Wade than the deal that garnered them Caron Butler and Lamar Odom. Typical Odom neglect. (Sorry, Brian Grant.)

Where the eff is Wade...

And it was neglect (and a larger feeling of disdain) that Odom would receive from Laker fans during much of his early years with the Lakers, as he and Kobe failed to mesh and, more importantly, make it out of the first round of the playoffs.

When the Lakers traded Caron Butler away to the Wizards and watched him blossom into an all-star, many wondered why the Lakers hadn't kept Butler and traded away Lamar Odom instead. In Washington, Caron Butler was seemingly morphing into the exact Scottie Pippen type player that people had always dreamed of pairing Kobe with, while Odom was simply becoming more and more known as the dead-weight player that took Dwayne Wade's spot in the Shaquille O'neal trade. It also didn't help that the guy the Lakers got in return for Butler was the great KwaMAY Brown, starting power forward for the Sucklahoma City Busts alongside Darko Milicic and Michael Olowakandi. Regardless, it became very clear during Odom's earlier tenure with the Purple & Gold that the Scottie Pippen/Magic Johnson labels continually being tacked onto him were never going to stick (his candy always had a better chance of sticking to him than those lofty comparisons).

Supporting Greatness:

Everything changed in 2008 when Pau Gasol got traded to the Lakers and Odom went from being second option failure to... role player (and eventually) bench player extraordinaire. For the first time in his career, even while Odom's stats dropped significantly across the board (from 14 pts to 11, 10 reb. to 8), fans finally began recognizing just how significant his contributions truly were to a burgeoning Laker team vying for contention. He literally did what was best for the team in every situation. Whether it was taking a backseat and letting his stats slip for the betterment of a deep, developing Laker squad, or being completely ready to take over the reigns as the starting power forward once Andrew Bynum went down (and doing a better job of it too), Odom once again displayed that stats never truly tell the entire story when it comes to describing true value.

In the latter part of the playoffs this year, and especially these past Finals, Odom stopped coasting and showed the world what a true force he can be on the court when he plays with a little more sustained focus and intensity. For once, instead of relying solely on his God-given talent to do just enough to get by, he relied on his God-given heart (the same heart that got him through two horrific deaths in his life) to summon forth his utmost effort night-in and night-out, despite also battling against an excruciatingly sore back, to play some of his best, most inspired ball during the latter part of the Lakers' playoff run. Through his gritty perseverance, Odom helped turn the Lakers' 'soft' label around by providing a much-needed toughness to a team constantly in search of brave souls (besides Bryant) who were willing to stand in the trenches and get their hands dirty.

In winning his first ever NBA title this past June, Odom displayed his true versatility in more ways than one - not only in his ability to play multiple positions on the court and display a full repertoire of skills, but in his ability to do whatever was asked of him to perfection. Coming into the NBA, he was supposed to be the go-to guy who could do it all, and when he showed everyone how effective he could be at doing less, we now realize...he can do it all. We were just focusing too much on the flashier statistics and honors to realize it back then.

The True Heart of a Candy-Man:

In reality, outside of adding a little more mental toughness and overall intensity to his play, Odom hasn't really done anything revolutionary to his game which he hasn't already done in any of his previous years with the Lakers. It just didn't work out back then because those previous Laker teams (Smush Parker, Kwame Brown, Brian Cook) needed him to perfect his scoring game, even when he had already perfected filling up every other statistical category in the game (including the weirdest turn-overs stat). And while a little more consistency and overall focus can always be asked of Odom, it's hard to stay mad at such a silly, down-to-earth personality who, despite all of his life struggles, has continued to live his life like a carefree, A.D.D. child who continually sees a more optimistic, hopeful scenario to every obstacle placed in front of him.

Odom brings so many small intangibles to the game whenever he's on the court, but his contributions often go under-appreciated because the fans and the media want what's tangible - and that usually means high scoring statistics and eye-grabbing highlight plays they can cling unto. But Odom has never been and never will be that dominant 20 pt scorer that people have always clamored for, even though he could probably avg 20pts in his sleep if he truly wanted to. He's that talented without trying, and maybe that's what's frustrated people the most about him - that someone with as much natural talent as Lamar Odom could never quite connect all the dots and fulfill his true potential as the complete NBA star that everyone else saw in him.

Things Hit A Sour Patch, But All things End Sweet for L.A.:

This past July, after experiencing what it's like for the first time to not have 100% clarity over Odom's future as a Laker for life, Laker fans can all humbly admit that they've greatly taken his presence here in L.A. for granted. Every summer since he's joined the team, Lamar Odom has always been the main trading chip that fans wanted to parlay over to other teams in exchange for more proven stars. Now he's the guy everyone wants to keep and secretly, we're terrified at the thought of seeing him in another jersey against us. And while at times, overall negotiations and even Lamar himself were as frustrating and puzzling as he's always been, Lakers' fans all knew inside that they did not want to lose such a solid, upstanding human being, much less a solid, versatile basketball player.

I want to win 6,7,8,9,10 more titles. (We always knew you'd play till 40.)

Fortunately for everyone repping P&G, cooler heads prevailed this Summer and the Lakers and L.O. sour-patched things up to meet in the middle, as Odom once again played his role to perfection by ultimately sacrificing himself for the betterment of the team. Except this time, his acts of humble unselfishness had nothing to do with basketball courts or playing time. In the end, Odom sacrificed not only his money, but a part of his pride as well, never opting to take things personally during negotiations even though inside, he was definitely hurt by Buss's first offer withdrawal. Despite what others may say, Lamar Odom was definitely the bigger man this Summer; as he usually always has been. Instead of confiscating tapes, eating Vaseline, blaming it on the devil, or crying and immediately jetting to Miami with Will Smith, Odom saw the bigger picture - the winning one. And Laker fans could not have been more overjoyed by that fact, as he finally re-signed with the Lake-Show on the 30th of July. Today, the only 'Lamar Sucks' insults you'll hear from Laker fans will be the ones accompanied by the word 'lollipop' at the end.

World Piece - World Championship Piece:

Kung Fu Panda's Furious Five Has Got Nothin' On Ours.

He's the piece that can seemingly fit into a number of different spots on the puzzle board, but can never quite fit into that one spot when you actually try. It's because of this reason that he's usually disregarded and kept to the side while the more important, less complicated pieces are assembled first. For too long, teams including the Lakers have tried fitting Odom into the more focal spots near the center of the puzzle board - even when his true place has always been near the corners. While we all know full well who the central pieces are going to be on the team this upcoming season(Kobe, Gasol, Bynum, Artest), we now also realize that the complementary corners are going to be the main points of difference by which sustained success shall hinge upon - especially when people are always so easily drawn to the more dynamic center to even notice just how important the supporting borders truly are. Today, Odom is no longer regarded as the confusing piece that never fit, but as the missing one that completes the whole picture - a picture that looks a whole lot like a championship dynasty with him in place. After all, he does want "6,7..8,9,10 more championships."

I have a feeling...that this year's gonna be a good, good year. Thank you Black-Eyed Peas.

The Fridge Is No Longer Puzzled,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

General Non-Laker Fan Consenus to Odom Returning: NOOOOOO!

2009-07-30T21:59:00.000-07:00

Here's a compilation I gathered from the Lakers' main rivals this next season. I like to call them...The Fantastic Four. Sounds like such a pansy name, doesn't it?

Celtics Fans' Reactions (prosportsdaily.com):

It's ok, Pierce. This time I understand. I'd fake injuries too if I knew I wasn't a Laker.

- crud...oh well, pretty much expected

- Damn it- good deal for the Lakers as well...

- Whatever.... Bring 'em on.

- Kobe, Odom, Gaysol, Artest vs Paul, Ray, Kg, Sheed, Rondo...we are still better...i guess homecourt will probably be the difference maker...

- Who cares! The Celtics beat them with Odom once, and they can do it again.

- Our hope right now is that Artest flakes out; but even without Artest they're still similar to the '08 finalists. In '08, we were clearly better, even though the finals were a bit closer than we like to admit. This year, in the regular season the Lakers looked like they improved - but in the playoffs they looked worse than they did in '08. We would likely have lost to the regular season quality Lakers in the Finals, but we probably beat the team that got taken to 7 games by Houston. Even without Posey or anyone to guard Kobe. I think both teams regressed in '08, the Lakers by less, and '08 would have been closer than '07.

Now with Artest, on paper the Lakers are definitely the best team in the NBA, unfortunately. Without Odom they might not be, but it doesn't look like that is the case. We upgraded from last year with Rasheed, but the Lakers outdid us getting Artest and keeping Odom. We should still have a shot, but if Artest keeps his head on straight it will be tough.

- Get Marquis Daniels and resign Marbury and you can say the CELTICS are STACKED..LA is where it has always been..they jus traded Ariza for Artest...nobody knows how that will work out for them..I still think Ariza was the better fit, and safer bet...

- This is why I hate the LA Lakers. Douchebag drama like the Odom signing. He plays around for at least a month, pathetically waiting for LA to give him an acceptable offer. Buss goes back on his "principles" after pulling the initial offer yet ends up working something out. And people wonder why the Lakers get so much hate. Sure, there are plenty of reasons but unnecessary narcissistic drama like the Odom negotiations is high on the list.

- Lakers just got better this Season not worse. Ariza is a up and coming player but Artest will give Kobe rest. This will be the difference. Artest will keep the Defense's Honest. Artest will lock on Pierce. Even Battle but Pierce is older and I think Ron will get 3 or more good games at the end of the season on an older PP. Kobe will lock Allen. Kobe wins.

Cavs fans' reactions (RealCavsFans.com, CavsFanatic.com):

Don't worry, little guy. Bigger men than you have cried harder before.

Like this Guy...

Wah wah, how come Kobe gets to play with the best toys and I don't???

- With Lamar Odom reportedly set to re-sign with the Los Angeles Lakers, there might be a rash of signings in the forward market as there was a bit of a delay to see where Odom would go. I think we should try our very best to sigh Hakim Warrick. he could be another guy to throw at the lamar odom's and rashard lewis'. FYI Lewis and Odom both averaged lower than their reg. season averages against Memphis, what a coincidence huh?

- Alright we need David West more than anything now.

- Odom just isn't a quick 4, he's big. Odom kills a small, quick 4 on the boards.

- re signed Odom...tough for any team to beat them...Man if they win two straight..ughhh. Dont we all just feel like we just wasted time thinking and hoping "I hope odom leaves," He was always going to go back

-i know man.......that just devastated us.......ok mr ferry.....we need one more genius move. WE'RE TOO CLOSE TO LOSE IT NOW!!!!

- i assumed we were gonna kill the rest of the league this year, except for the elites, but the only person the lakers lost is ariza and gained artest, they just got better, alot better, its a little bit of a scary team. fan or not you gotta see the facts. we have faith but we're not stupid, with odom in there we don't match up anymore. now we just need that "better than average" stretch 4.......(omg im so mad sheed didn't sign with us.)

-The Lakers are gonna be stacked this season and very versatile. But just cause a team looks good on paper doesnt mean they cant be beat. In the end you have to play the games out.

-Sometimes I think people forget Shaquille 'O freaking Neal is on our team now...

-Newsflash: The Lakers didn't get that much better. They basically made a slight improvement signing Artest and getting rid of Ariza. They are a slightly better team. Their bench is a little iffy. We are a much better team. We now have a perenial all-star at center and more size at the wing. Should be an even matchup. Don't forget, ya'll--there's still a long long season to play. Injuries will factor in (hopefully in our favor). Stop freaking out, we can speculate in June if we meet them in the Finals.

- Wow, the Cavs got better this offseason. We get that. Our offseason was better than the Lakers was. We all get that. But don't you get that they were already much better than us to begin with? Don't even bring up our regular season record. Beating up on all the scrub East teams doesn't mean anything.

- Man, I hate to say this but I just don't think there's any way the Cavs beat that team, assuming the Lakers make it to the finals. (which they will.) Cleveland just can't catch a goddamn break.

Magic Fans' Reactions (orlandomagiczone.com):

Dwight - 'kissing' up early. Superman didn't even suit up for the game...or to save the world.

- Hopefully the Magic have improved enough to beat the Lakers in the finals this year, because it looks like a re-match may be in order (stating if both teams stay healthy). Ugh, I really wanted him to sign with the Heat too because then I think we would certainly be the favorites in the NBA. The Lakers length is what beat us this year, and we haven't gotten bigger under the basket. I think Bass should help us out on the boards, but he still can't match up with Odom, Gasol or Bynum. This news angers me.

- Ok they have Odom, Gasol and Bynum right. We have Lewis, Bass, Howard and Gortat so how are they much bigger under the basket. Our frontcourt can match theirs. Bynum gets in foul trouble quick. Gasol and Odom is the key.

- Right we are the same down low. We had Shard, Gortat and Dwight. We also had Battie. Shard and Battie got dominated by Gasol and the only person who guarded him with any consistency was Dwight. I don't think Bass is going to help us with our matchup against the Lakers. I think Sheed would have been a bigger impact in those games actually because of his length and versatility. I like the signing of Bass, but he was my 2nd pick to Sheed. I understand Sheed got the full MLE from Boston, and we split ours up for Barnes and Bass, but I'm nervous with Odom coming back to LA that we're going to have the same problem with them in the post!

- Lamar Odom, Andrew Bynum and Paul Gasol are better than every player in the paint in our front line except Dwight.

- At least it's a better win being underdogs.

- i think artest will realize he is just a piece to that team and will thrive in it.....he is smarter,a better passer,a better shooter, a better defender than ariza is.....not to mention artest can play s/g s/f or even p/f if needed for spurts.....this is my opinion and i hope i'm wrong

- Artest is better all around player than Ariza is. You cant be serious thinking hes not. Artest still is a 20ppg player that gives you lockdown defense and assist and rebounds. Ariza dont give you all that. This is not even an argument really.

- And at 250 pounds he is not a slow top and Bass is not one of those kind of players who you want to get in his way. The Lakers are worried about us not the other way around.

- idk I'm pretty worried about the Lakes. At least we don't have to worry about them until the Finals.

- Odom, Artest, Gasol, Bynum and Bryant? is that even fair

Spurs Fans' Reactions (spurstalk.com):

The Spurs should follow Richard Jefferson's lead - get cold feet and check out early. Sorry, wifey.

-Spurs are much improved. If we have a healthy Timmy and Manu come playoff time with the new additions, they can beat the Lakers even with Odom..

- Dang. The only reason I don't like it is because the Lakers didn't need to get stronger than last season. They were already ahead of the pack as it was. With Odom and Artest...they arguably did. Time to play the games, fellas. Bring it on.

- Great news. The Lakers are clearly the team to beat now, puts pressure off the Spurs as all the pressure is on the Lakers now to repeat with that stacked lineup. If healthy the Spurs can give them a huge fight in the playoffs.

- Unlike the Spurs the Lakers have never had issues repeating. Hell they've already made back to back Finals appearances with the same team.

- A realistic appraisal of our chances are small sorry, for the same reasons we lost this season. Being a true fan and Knowing what your team inefficiencies are and calling them out does not make you less than a fan.

- L.A is better also, I don't see the Spurs winning over L.A in the playoffs, the Spurs don't have enough quality big men. Boston is the only team that stands a chance next year.

- When Odom was guarding Parker, TP became almost useless on the court.

- Portland is the Lakers kryptonite. They are just as big, young, and fast as L.A. If they meet up in the playoffs early, L.A. wont get to the WFC. It'll be Denver and S.A.

- Maybe not the best news as a Spur fan, but as a basketball fan this is fantastic news. Can't wait to see the games between these two next year!

- Come on Lakers, give the Spurs your best shot. They'll be waiting.

- Ginobili will be waiting in a suit in the crowd behind the team bench.

Collective Reaction Around the League:

Darth Vader - mad at the Lakers for trumping his Death Star...with 5 of their own.

In summary, fans of the remaining Power Four in the league (you may want to include Portland too, but we can wait.) - Boston, Cleveland, Orlando, and San Antonio - all seem to be dejected...As if somebody just stole their candy away from them...I am so clever.

Their fear is even more apparent by the facadic fronts of confidence they put up. For Boston, it's Rasheed, health, and their 'deep' bench that shall be their savior. For the Cavs, it's Shaq, anti-fat and lazy medicine, and their 'deep' bench. For the Magic, it's Carter, Bass, Barnes, and Pinnochio - I mean, Gortat. And for the Spurs, it's health, prenuptial agreements, a hot desperate housewife and...the Portland Trailblazers.

Lakers Fans' Collective Reaction:

Just dance - gonna be ok! ...Winners are so annoying.

Not one to be too overconfident, but...Expect to be annoyed, NBA.

People hate the Purple&Gold Fridge,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Odom Makes A 360 Degree Turn Around...w/ the Lakers

2009-07-30T14:03:00.000-07:00

This Candy Land game is finally over. And both the Lakers and Lamar Odom have won. The Losers: everyone else.

Lakers Accelerate. Credit goes to Silo360 for accelerating the 09/010 Lakers hype.

Per ESPN:

Lamar Odom will return to the Los Angeles Lakers, according to an NBA source.

Odom will sign a four-year contract, with the fourth year at the Lakers' option.

One source with knowledge of the talks told ESPN.com the four-year deal is worth $33 million if the Lakers exercise the final year of the contract.

Hi, my name is Lamar. I like candy. And championships.

And candy championships.

Details of the final negotiation process (what we know so far):

* The current deal as constructed will offer Odom about $8 mill a year for the first 3 years - a guaranteed $25mill. If the Lakers choose to excercise Odom's 4th year option, they will pay him about $8 mill extra. If they choose not to retain him, they will have to pay him a $2mill buy-out.

* Contrary to popular belief that Odom was merely using Miami as leverage to get a better deal, Odom was actually very, very close to signing with the Heat. A lot of 'Heat'-ed emotion was involved in his final decision making process - emotion and pride that he admirably doused in order to remain loyal to the organization that never once traded him during its tumultuous years in the past - an organization that he now has the best chance of winning another ring with.

* As Korean dramatic as Dwayne Wade got on Twitter, neither he nor Pat Riley nor any shady candy trucks met with Lamar Odom at all.

* The Portland Trail Blazers stepped in at the last minute on Tuesday night and supposedly offered L.O. a 5 yr/$40 million contract. Odom, however, had no interest whatsoever to blaze any trails up in Portland. [Update:] ESPN is revising this story and pulling Portland completely out of the picture. Portland didn't even blaze any trails for Lamar...

* Ron Artest was the biggest reason Lamar Odom kept pushing to stay (He wanted to win one for Ron):

"But to now get an opportunity to play with Ron Artest, a guy I've known 16 years, it means a lot. I told Ron Ron a few weeks ago I couldn't walk away. I still had to fight. Everytime negotiations didn't go the way I thought, I just took a step back, like them pulling the offer off the table, I just knew I had to fight."

Makes you wonder if Odom would have been as torn if it was Trevor Ariza and not his old-time buddy Ron in the purple and gold instead. In this case, the decision to sign Ron Artest over Trevor Ariza, if there were any doubts before, now looks like the best executive choice that could have been made at the time because of its two-fold implications in keeping 'sugar in the cupboard'- so to speak.

* Jeff Schwartz did not disrespect the Lakers organization or ignore them. In fact, he advised Odom to take a look at the previous deals being offered. And after the Lakers pulled the offers from the table, it was Schwartz who told Odom to take his time and not pull a knee-jerk reaction by immediately signing with the Heat. In the end, everyone has their fair share of the blame and innocence when it comes to who pushed who's buttons.

* Jerry Buss did not pull his original offers of 4/$36mill and 3/$10mill purely because he felt disrespected, but because the NBA's salary cap had lowered and because he was merely playing a shrewd card in further negotiations. Lamar Odom seems to have come to this understanding as well, refusing to take things too personally.

* Dr. Buss got cold feet about the luxury tax he'll pay, told Mitch to explore other options. Phil, back from Montana, warmed them up to the notion of the Lakers becoming UNSTOPPABLE with Odom. Rest is history. Via Ric Bucher's Twitter.

* The Lakers, injuries barred, look like an NBA Dynasty that's primed to move past the Celtics' title count.

* “Riding off Kobe’s coattail ain’t bad,” Odom said, laughing. “He’s got something special going around. I’ve got to be around. I’ve got to be one of the apostles. There was no way I was going to pass up playing with Kobe, Pau, Andrew and Ron-Ron.”

WTF? Kobe's pissed he only has 4 all-stars on his team.

Odom's 360 degree turn-around dunk...er, deal:

We're going to have a 360 degree turn-around this year. I'm just happy to be a...Laker.

I just had to take a jab at LO's awkwardly-cute spaciness. This interview was taken during his Clipper days. I think he meant to say "180 degree turnaround" because a full 360 turn-around leads you right back to where you were in the first place - which for the Clippers at that time (and many a time) led straight back to Suckville. This summer, however, Odom's 360 degree turnaround tendencies factor out just perfectly for the Lakers and their future plans.

At long last, we can all finally breathe a large sigh of relief and bust out those red vines and Hi-chews in sugar-rushed celebration (though it's probably best for Odom to stay away from any candy that has the word 'Hi'/'High' in it). At this point, I don't know whether to strangle him or to hug him. All I know is - I'm smiling. A smiling strangle should do. FRICKEN' ODOM!! WELCOME BACK!

Now, a deep, profound statement from Lamar:

I'm BAAAAAACK!!!!

- via Twitter/RealLamarOdom

Count the number of A's he put into his 'Back' and that should give you a good estimate of how many championships he expects to win with the Lakers in the near future. Back that thing up.

The Fridge is stacked with sugar-foods,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Gobstopper Affair: Web Reactions to Lamar Odom's Dilly-Dallying

2009-07-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

One day, he's ready to pledge his allegiance to all things purple and gold and commit himself to dynastic championship lore. The next day, he's in Heat like a dog, anxiously ready to exchange Kobe and LA for Wade and Miam-ay.

Willy Wonka holding an ever-lasting Gobstopper. The way things have been going lately, he looks a lot closer to wearing the purple and gold than Lamar is.

At this point, trying to predict the end-time for all things Lamar Odom-related and which way he might be leaning towards at any particularly given hour is like trying to predict the end-time of an everlasting Gobstopper and what specific colors it'll change to as it melts in your mouth at any particularly given minute. The only real givens are that it'll take a really long time, there will be lots of varying colors involved (just like Lamar's fashion), and Lamar Odom still likes sweets. And you may end up just biting something or someone before waiting for it all to unfold.

Following these negotiations, with its conflicting reports and flip-flopping sandal tendencies, has become so wearisome that I find it to be purely comical now. For all us Laker fans alike, it's literally time to stop hitting ourselves over the heads agonizing over whether or not we should finally pull out our sweet-tooth towards everyone's favorite 6'10 chocolate candy bar (I love taking these L.O.-candy analogies to really strange, far-off places.). At this point, it's time to just relax and have fun.

Regardless of whether or not Lamar Odom returns, the Lakers will survive. Us fans will survive. And Adam Morrison will survive, resurrect his career, and take over the league. Take that, Odom.

Lamar Odom is amused. We haven't been.

Clearly, all of these negotiations involving Buss, Odom, the Laker front office, and now, D-Wade the Desperate and Pat Riley the Parrot have made us all a little crazy. But if we just take a step back from all the mayhem and coolly regain some of our previous World-Championship-like composure (an oxymoron, I'm sure), we'll be able to see just how ridiculously serious, dramatic, and worked up we were over such a hilarious stand-up comedy show! Let's not miss out on all the fun anymore. Here are just a few of the funny web-reactions towards the L.O. dealings by a couple of familiar faces :

1. D-Wade's Bird-Call of Love:

This is for Lamar Odom...come back to where it started for the both of us..the franchise u helped build back up wants u to End it all here. 8:58 AM Jul 25th from TweetGenius

- dwadeofficial

Wade's funny. What is this? A Korean drama? ..I recommend Autumn In My Heart.

2. Keri Hilson's Song-Dedication for Lamar:

Yes, Keri Hilson's song "Energy", is in fact about Lamar Odom. Take a look at some of the lyrics...

Chances fadin' now,
Patience runnin' out,
This ain't how it's supposed to be.

I'm havin' nightmares from sleepin' with the enemy, (enemy) (no no)
How do we reverse the chemistry? (chemistry)
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is takin' all of my energy, (energy)
Energy, (energy)
My energy, (energy)
Takin' all of my energy, (energy)
Energy, (energy)
My energy, (energy)
Takin' all of (my energy).

Keri Hilson seems to be a bit tired...

3. Stephon Marbury Crying At the Thought of Lamar Leaving the Lakers:

Yes, he's that big of a Laker fan. Level up, Marbs. I mean...suck it up.

...

Anyway, just thought it was time to take a different approach on handling all these L.O.-blow shenanigans by totally smashing on it. Here's to hoping these stalled negotiations NEVER END. That's right, I hope they LAST FOREVER, like a fricken' everlasting Gobstopper.

Who am I kidding, end this already. Like Hoopsworld/Laker analyst Eric Pincus stated so cleverly earlier today on his twitter:

L.A. is on the left coast, Miami on the right - do what comes natural L.O. and go left.
(paraphrased...that's right, we're paraphrasing twitter quotes now)

Don't stop till you get enough...

The Fridge is still waiting,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Under the Buss Negotiations: L.O.- Lakers Deal Appears Imminent?

2009-07-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

Apparently there's an end to this game after all...

In observing the recent ebb and flow of all things Lamar Odom-related , it appears likely that an Odom-Lakers deal is imminent. According to AM830 Roger Lodge, Lamar Odom met with Dr. Buss in a room (as opposed to a hot tub) and will stay with the Lakers for 4 years/$40M. This isn't official, but news and opinions from around the league seem to coincide with this same likelihood. [Update] As recently as Wednesday, July 22, L.A. Times has confirmed that Buss and Odom have reopened negotiations and that things are looking very productive.

Furthermore, Luke Walton gave this assurance to people at a public tournament (for curly hair) he attended this past weekend:

LO will be a Laker. Trust me.

It's Luuke. You'd be wise to trust. Or he'll make you trust...with his Jedi mind tricks.

To recap all the tension and strife between these back-and-forth negotiations with Lamar Odom and Jerry Buss, here's a parody video that gives us an in-depth look at just how fiery things got:

Best Quote:

"Maybe if we wait it out, Odom will finally come down off this sugar high and quit being such a douche cake."

Fortunately for everyone, this game of Candy Land is finally drawing to a conclusion, and here in L.A., it's never too out of the question for everyone to get his equal share of the cake. Minus the douche.

The Fridge Is Cooling Tensions,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

He's Back: Ex-Laker Mark Madsen Crip Walks His Way Back To LA...As A Clipper

2009-07-20T12:51:00.001-07:00

Move over Blake Griffin. Mark Madsen is the newest face of the Clippers franchise.

Poor Q-Rich. Just when he thought he'd be able to bring back the head bumps to Staples...

It is Mark Madsen who will instead be bringing back his awkward, white dancing prowess to the streets of Los Angeles. Add Madsen to the ever-growing list of players who have experienced a dual time-share with both the Lakers and Clippers.

According to ESPN:

The Los Angeles Clippers agreed to trade Quentin Richardson to the Minnesota Timberwolves for Sebastian Telfair, Mark Madsen and Craig Smith on Monday.

The Clippers get a solid, if not erratic, back-up point guard in Sebastian Telfair who can distribute the ball fairly well and knock down the open j, and another capable big man in Craig Smith who can score and play multiple positions just in case anyone gets injured.

More importantly, they get Mark "Mad-dog" Madsen, who's 'off-beat' play and invaluable championship dancing experience should prove absolutely useless for the rising Los Angeles Clippers.

Chris Kaman, meet your new mentor.

Mark Madsen's Jello Is Jigglin',
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

What Happens In Vegas: Analyzing Blake Griffin's NBA debut & the Clipper Youth Revival

2009-07-14T22:44:00.001-07:00

Blake Griffin listening in during some pregame talks to Kim Hughes on the left.

This is completely unlike the excitement of 2006.

As great as it was to be one "Raja Bell over Daniel Ewing" three pointer away from reaching the Western Conference Finals, Clipper Fans knew "Sam I Am" was not going to lead them back to such a euphoric state at 37, 38, and 39 years of age over the next few years. And with Shaun Livingston still a major question mark at the time, we all knew that the window of success was closing in much much faster than Daniel's close-out on Raja.

But this week in Las Vegas, the Clippers are showcasing three (maybe four) highly promising 20-something studs on their Summer League Roster with Blake Griffin, Eric Gordon, DeAndre Jordan and Mike Taylor running the show. I was lucky enough to witness and experience this newfound excitement in Clipperland.

I believe in Mike. My name is also Mike. And you may also believe in me after watching me sing this familiar Clipper Nation tune. Or not.

The First Three Possessions

From the very first possession of their Summer League campaign, the Clipper fans were presented with what will likely become the bread and butter play of many 4th quarter sets to come.

Gordon and Griffin set up on the wing for a pick and roll. Driving hard off the pick, Gordon drew the offense and dropped a dime to Griffin for a beautiful lay-up.

The very next offensive possession, Blake showed off his nice touch around the basket, removing the remorse of any (if any) Zach Randolph spokespersons within Clipper Nation. Blake got the rock drove to the basket, absorbed contact, and hit a touch shot off glass while fading away.

On the third offensive possession, Blake once again removed the memory of Z-bo from my mind by hitting an open three pointer at the top of the key. At this myself and the few clipper fans around me went high-fiving and jumping up and down like we just got rich in Vegas.

I want to talk for a minute about each of the four signed players playing in the League (Blake, Eric, DeAndre, and Mike)

Blake Griffin

Blake would go on to showcase much more than his scoring prowess. I am certain many would call me over-the-top for this statement, but after watching Blake in person, I think his best NBA comparison is not in Tim Duncan, Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, or any other classic Power Forward Superstar in the League. Instead, Blake better resembles Lebron James than anyone else I've seen.

Please. Don't yell just yet.

Rebounding and scoring were already in Blake's resume before coming to the League. What most people have overlooked are his more-than-average handles, high basketball IQ, smart decision making and excellent court vision.

Blake ran the break a number of times throughout Monday's game. He would pull down a rebound and take off, showing off his handles before either dropping a dime, or going up to get fouled. His handles are far superior than your traditional 4 man. When he has the ball you don't get the feeling you get when Z Bo or Kaman are dimwittedly dribbling around, you feel the excitement of a Nash or a LeBron, waiting to see what he'll do with it. Blake had a number of great passes, most of which ended with a basket or a foul and freethrows. As far as passing and handles go, Blake is far greater than Elton Brand, Zach Randolph, and anyone else who played the power forward spot for the Clippers, ever. Blake followed up his night by dropping 5 assists on the Hornets on Tuesday.

Returning to my LBJ comparison, I take it that Blake was used at the power forward spot in OU and throughout his career because of his height and efficiency on the block. Because he was so dominate playing the 4, he didn't have to step out away from the basket much.

Lebron on the other hand was used mainly as a point guard throughout his career. However, Blake and Lebron are just about the same in terms of height, weight, and freakish athleticism. They were just advertised differently coming into the League. Lebron easily could've been an effective 4 if he playe

d it throughout his career.

Their similarities really are across the board if you ask me: (Rebounding, scoring, ball-handling, passing, court vision, leadership, and attitude).

Eric Gordon

Gordon and Griffin are great founding blocks for the Clippers. As they grow into leadership roles, their best asset to the organization will be their work ethic and professional demeanor. Hopefully they will establish a winning culture, much like Cassell and Mobley started to do their first year with the team.

EJ was EJ, reminding us all that he isn't one dimensional (which is precisely what Adam Morrison continued to show us in Monday's game). What makes Eric so good is that aside from his wet jumper, he has a strong body and is fearless when attacking the basket. And being that he still isn't allowed to do grown up things in vegas until December, his future is only looking up right now.

Maybe he'll grow 6 inches by October and become an instant hall of famer.

DeAndre Jordan

Seeing DeAndre up close is an experience unto itself. He has a gorrilla's wingspan and is 7". He threw down a number of sweet alley-oops Monday night and will continue to do so throughout summer league and his career.

Dunleavy has said he drafted DeAndre and Mike Taylor, thinking that they were three years away from being real contributors to the team. DeAndre might be much more ahead of the curve.

Defensively, he looked much more confident with his assignments (granted he had zero competition in the lakers' summer league squad). His timing on coming from the weak side was great, and he altered many looks with his presence in the middle.

Offensively, he shocked me and the rest of the clipper section. He showed off some nice moves in the post, with spin moves and little hook shots on the block.

If the Chris Kaman experiment is done for, the Clippers will be just fine moving on with Camby and DeAndre playing the middle.

Mike Taylor

Of the 4 players, Mike had the roughest night, throwing the ball away numerous times, and possibly being outplayed by his Summer League back up: Notre Dame's Kyle McAlarney. Mike showed that his quickness is on par with the fastest in the league, and his athleticism is to be noted, as he dunk against the Grizzlies last year got in NBA TV's top 3 dunks of the year.

He has the tools, but currently he lacks the decision making, and leadership skills needed to run an NBA team. I, for one, am hopeful for Mike and he continues to be my favorite player on the team. He will hopefully play much better throughout the week.

Moment of the Night

I would not have thought this to be cool if anyone else did it but DeAndre showed off his sensitive side Monday night in Vegas.

Mike Taylor, being frustrated with his performance, got in a yelling match with Kim Hughes and the other assistant coaches on the clipper bench. After a time out and a personal conversation with some of the coaches, Mike went off to sit at the end of the bench.

A few plays later, DeAndre got a breather and chose to sit next to his buddy Mike. Sitting directly behind them, I saw DeAndre hear Mike complain for a few minutes. DeAndre then seemed to speak some words of encouragement to Mike and capped it off with a brief side hug that (would've usually lost points in my book, but in this case) showed me a new side to his character that is missed despite his candid blog and vlog updates.

Conclusion:

All in all, Clipper Youth Movement is looking very good. Oh yeah, and there was also an alien sighting:

Alien jokes aside - Sam Cassell is one of my all time favorite NBA Aliens - I mean players.

Law's Been Laid,
Mike Whang (Lawler's Bingo Card)

Not So Sweet Goodbye: Lakers LOw On Sugar?

2009-07-13T20:21:00.000-07:00

Was this really the team that just won the championship? I hope this isn't the start of some really bad snowballs rolling our way. Too up and down a Summer for me, and I think I might throw up soon.

Recap of events in the last month and a half:

Trevor Ariza leaves. Sad turn of events for the L.A. native.

Ron Artest signs for a relatively cheap contract by his standards. Repeat here we come!

Sasha Vujacic is still a Laker. And still getting paid $5 mill a year. "Why?" - some child in Africa.

Shannon Brown turns down a more lucrative contract with the Indiana Pacers to resign with the Lakers. Heart of a champion!

Lamar Odom and his agent turn down a $9 mill a year for 3 years deal after the Lakers raised their offer from $7 mill a year. Odom's been chewing on those sour patches a little too much. Sucks like a month-old lollipop Odom forgot under his bed.

Adam Morrison seems fully healthy and ready to revive his career, avg 20 pts through his first 4 games in the Vegas Summer League. Resurgence of the Bird Apparent!

And in recent developments, the Lakers front office has seemingly pulled the offer from the table, obviously frustrated with how negotiations with Odom's agent have gone. Don't play hard-ball with the front office. EFF!

[Update: Odom was offered $30 mill/3 years OR $36mill/4 years...Odom's camp rejected both. Odom led the Lakers with 1.3 rejections last season. He's good at rejections. Buss? Even better. Offer officially withdrawn.]

Sour, I know.

...

Well, fans who have clamored for a Lamar Odom trade almost every summer that he's been a Laker will finally get their wish - although this summer, it's probably their biggest dread. There will be no sugar rush in L.A. next year, but there will still be rush hour...

What was shaping up to be a Summer of Greater Expectations for the 2009 World Champion Lakers has quickly turned into a Summer of Absolute Discontent. How could feelings of champagne bliss switch to grievances of contract piss so quickly? But really, after the unfortunate mishandling of Trevor Ariza's contract (who still desperately wants to be a Laker despite symbolically stepping into T-Mac's #1 jersey), and the recent signings of Shannon Brown and Ron Artest (who both turned down more money to play for the Lakers) - how has it come to this?

The Lakers aren't betraying their players, the players aren't betraying their teams - it's the agents who are betraying their own common sense (if they were ever once not clogged by dollar signs).

I'm not sure what to make of this recent speculation that the Lakers have withdrawn their offer from Odom's camp, but I do know that it will be a very sad day in L.A. when Lamar Odom officially leaves and signs with another team - regardless of who we may think is in the wrong. Unfortunately, it is pride and greed that have made their presence known more than anything else this past summer when it comes to the arena of cordial diplomacy and contractual business - and that's never been a recipe for anything sweet.

Click here for the source of sourness.

Expect the worst. Be surprised by the best.

[More on this as it develops...]

The Fridge Is Almost Closed Lamar,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Amanda Bynes Plays 'Lock'-Down D On Kobe Bryant - 'All That' 1998 Appearance

2009-07-12T14:40:00.001-07:00

Remember Nickelodeon's 'All That'? Kenan and Kel, Orange Soda, Good Burger, Amanda Bynes, Whateverrr...It was like the PG, kids' version of SNL. Although, after watching this clip, maybe it wasn't too far off from SNL material after all. What's up with the weird moaning from girl #2 when Kobe takes his shirt off? Questionable. Anyway, here's an afroriffic Kobe Bryant in 1998 joining a very pre-pubescent Amanda Bynes on All That.

skip to 3:24 -"We have things to dooo!" - *points to Kobe Bryant*

Wait, this was a kids' show? Regardless, this is a surprisingly hilarious, albeit annoying, retro clip from Kobe's vintage days in the NBA and Amanda Bynes' vintage days stuck in 10 year-old insanity (good to know she's improved her acting[?]). Needless to say, this is the best defense I've seen on Kobe Bryant since...ever (3:24 on the video). Great box-in-one, cage defense. Clearly a flagrant foul on Bynes though for jumping on Kobe in such an aggressive manner. Fricken' refs.

Ron Artest, Trevor Ariza, Shane Battier - move aside. Who knew prepubescent girls were the real Kobe stoppers all along? It's summer, clearly.

Waiting for Fridge to re-open in October,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Video-'Tame' James: The Greatest Steal of His Career (Don't Confiscate, Lebron)

2009-07-09T22:26:00.000-07:00

Cue scene:

Game 7. NBA Finals. Cavs Vs. Lakers. Lakers up by 1. Laker Posession. 4 seconds.

Lamar Odom is the inbounder. No, he doesn't dribble the ball in-bounds himself to receive a violation.

Or throw it to Sasha Vujacic who's sitting on the opposite side of the court on the Lakers bench - open for three.

No, he does none of these things. He's focused. His eyes shift back and forth, carrying the ball high above his head with his long, lanky arms. He's looking for Kobe, of course.

Kobe quickly wraps around three Cavs defenders (including Lebron) to get better position. As he races to the top of the key, seemingly unguarded, Odom throws the ball inbounds -

BUT WAIT! Lebron James turns on his accelerator and steals the inbounds pass from Kobe. He quickly races to his basket on the opposite end as the clock reads 3. Kobe races down with him to prevent the score. 2 seconds.

Lebron just passes the free throw line and takes off. Kobe, right behind him, takes off as well with his left arm ready for the swipe-in from behind.

BANG! DENGGGGGG (not luol, the buzzer)! Lebron throws in a VICIOUS WINDMILL DUNK at the horn RIGHT OVER KOBE AND HIS OUTSTRETCHED ARMS! LEBRON AND THE CAVS ARE THE WORLD CHAMPIONS OF ------------------------

Oh wait, what? That's not the steal we were talking about? Oh ok...then what steal were we talking about?

................................................

Let's reset the scenario. It's even better than the one above.

Jordan Crawford has the ball. Who? Yeah, Jordan Crawford. He's on that great NBA team...uh, Xavier.

It's the first half. Of a pick-up game. In the summer. The only person in attendance of any real consequence would be...your mom.

It's as intense in there as it would be in a press conference room where Chris Kaman is yelling, "He grabbed my balls!" during post-game interviews.

Reggie Evans has his eyes set on a different...ball.

Lebron's eyeing Jordan (ironically not Michael, but Crawford) on defense.

As Crawford drives to the baseline, Lebron quickly leaves his man and goes in to help.

Crawford rises. Lebron rises. Probably one of those crazy Lebron swats from the weak side that we've all grown accustomed to, huh? Not quite.

SLAM! Ooh...that was awkward. Checkmate on the king.

Lebron gets posterized in front of his entire camp by JORDAN CRAWFORD OF THE XAVIER...Xaviers?..uh...MUSKETEERS! All for One and One big Slam Over Lebron for All!

Play's not done yet though. Nope.

Lebron counters with the best defensive play of his career.

It's later on in the day but Lebron hasn't forgotten the baptismal ceremony done unto him earlier.

It's a dead ball. Lebron glides effortlessly over to a Nike offical.

And just like a future Defensive Player of the Year, he cuffs his hands delicately over his mouth in order to muffle his words, simultaneously leaning his head over to the Nike official to point out the fact that two attendees had been ILLEGALLY videotaping the event throughout the course of the entire day.

In order to BLOCK them from uploading his demise at the hands of Crawford the Musketeer, Lebron proposes a STEAL and gets the Nike official to apply full 'PR' court pressure on the two videographers.

What the King wants, the King gets. And at this Burger King, you can't have it your way. What? Yeah, that didn't make any sense.

Soon after, the Nike official begins to gingerly stroll over to the two men in a Sports Center-highlight-of-the-night kind of... stroll. With arms extended, he opens his palms and curls his fingers towards himself, motioning for the two videographers to hand over the tapes to him. Not allowed.

Confused and disappointed, the two videographers hand over the tapes containing one improbable, King-sized posterization that shall now forever be immortalized in NBA summer camp lore.

As the tapes are confiscated, Lebron James can be seen on the court grinning (and wiping some sweat off his forehead in relief). And although this stat will never be recorded into the NBA history books, there is no doubt that Lebron shall forever stand satisfied with the greatest steal of his career.

...

Meanwhile, in Kobe Bryant's Summer camp...
(This is actually true. Click Here.)

Kid: "If you go to Lebron's camp - game over."

Kobe: "What does that even mean? I'll tell you one thing - You're not dunking on me in my camp. God bless ya'll! "

What does that even mean?? What does that even mean?!

Ironically, this small jab by Kobe towards Lebron is probably about the best action we'll get to see this summer from the two superstars after hopes of a Kobe-Lebron (and puppet friends) Finals matchup fell through in June...thanks to Lebron. And like always, Kobe wins. As for Lebron? Well, he can still take solace in the fact that he sure can steal better than Kobe can on the court. 'Check his stats.'

The door is closed, The lights are out, The butter's getting hard, and The jello'ssss jigglin,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

No Homo: Ron Artest Press Conference Recap

2009-07-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

I didn't mean to walk in the shower with him. Yeah, I walked in the shower. I'm not a homosexual, but Kobe - he had no clothes on.

On a day when many reporters were asking him how much he's truly changed from his Indiana days of punching people in the stands, Ron Artest calmly countered and jabbed back with many new punch-lines for everyone to mull over. To say the least, it was very entertaining. It may not have been as extravagant as most of Shaq's previous press conferences, but the constant stream of random one-liners that flowed from the jovial and upbeat Artest sure made it seem like the newest Laker had taken some comedic lessons from the Big...Whatever.

Make no mistake about it, coming from a guy that Lakers fans had once always hated and been wary about for so long because of his bad boy image, past history, and annoying bouts of showboating - it's hard to decipher Ron Artest during such celebratory, formal speaking engagements such as this when he's seemingly always on his best behavior, ready to put his best face forward. Here are some paraphrased quotable highlights (I divided them up between the good, the funny, and the...strange):

What You Want to Hear As a Laker Fan (The Good Ron Artest):

On winning his teammates and coaching staff over: "I gotta win myself over first. Make sure I work on myself this summer - be the best player I can be and come back in tip top condition. He's right. It's not a given that just because you add me to a team, we're the number 1 team."
"Last couple years, Kobe's really been devoted to defense. And I respect him even more now. He's not gambling as much. He's more focused on stand-still defense."
"They're a tough team. I thought they were tougher than Boston. I'm a Laker fan. When they were struggling against Boston, I felt bad."
"My priorities are straight now - play ball first. And then everything comes second."
"Losing always got me in trouble. I hated losing. Before, I'd always rip jerseys, throw chairs, throw gatorade bottles, throw parties (jk, I added that one, not Artest) - I was so frustrated. Winning 13-15 games with the Bulls. But I've learned that it's ok, and you need to have fun as well."
On having doubters and the pressure that comes with being a Laker - "That's great pressure to have. I want people to come down on me. That's why I like having Kobe, he likes the pressure. I like to prove the doubters who think I can't fit in wrong."
"They love their team. The fans are so confident. The fans are tellin' me, "are you ready to get your ring?" They know they're going to win. That's a great feeling."

Ron Ron's Comedy Time (The Strange-er-Funny Ron Artest):

"Is TMZ here? Oh, they're not. That's good."
"Hopefully my clothes make it to LA, if they don't - they can just stay in Houston."
On hoodalizing the Lakers: "I hoodalized ESPN. I didn't say I hoodalized the Lakers. Noo, I was just playing. It was a joke. I was just off the top of the head at ESPN. You gotta have fun. It's summer time. That comment has nothing to do with the season."
"Once again I'm vastly underpaid. But it's ok. At the end of the day, if you can't live with $33 million...you can't live."
How he's changed since the brawl: "I don't lay on tables no more."
"Following Kobe Bryant - that's a no brainer and I didn't even finish school, you know?"
Regarding what he'll do with his hair: "I'll do something interesting the first time...something nice and fun for the kids..."
Bringing out his jersey: "That's not Bynum's jersey is it? Oh, ok. I saw the 7 and was like..17?"
"Throw Phil Jackson in the 'Mitch'...I mean...in the 'mix'."

The No-Homo Ron Artest:

"I didn't mean to walk in the shower with him. Yeah, I walked in the shower. I'm not a homosexual, but Kobe - he had no clothes on."

Hi, I'm Ron. This is my straight, no-homo smile.

You've got to hand it to the guy - he was real, down to earth, and at many points, quite hilarious. He was poised and very sincere at times, too real to the point of awkward hilarity at other times, and just plain Ron, the attention grabbing media whore for most of the times. Sometimes his rough play, ridiculous antics on and off court, and his thug-like image can overshadow just how striking and down-to-earth this guy truly is. I'm not sure if he gets some PR help when it comes to his speaking engagements, but...he sure said all the right things to help alleviate the doubts of many skeptic Laker fans out there...and then he said some other things that let us know that we'd all be in for one fun, bi-polar Laker ride this season. And Kobe? He had no clothes on.

Welcome to L.A. Ron-Ron,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Random Summer Musings: Ex-Clipper Lakers Make It Tough to Be A Clipper Fan

2009-07-06T13:38:00.000-07:00

Lawler's Bingo Card:

I'm on the Lakers official website and there he is smiling as wide as ever. NBA Championship Trophy in his hand. The greatest prize in all the NBA is right there in his hands!

A year ago he was a starter alongside Dan Dickau for the Clippers, and now he is forevermore an NBA Champion after playing relatively significant minutes for the Lake Show.

Guys like Josh Powell make it tough to be a Clipper fan.

Chick's Fridge:

Guys like Dan Dickau make it tough to be a Clipper fan. or a basketball fan. or a 'white, short guy with curly hair' fan.

In other news, Dan Dickau will also play Bilbo Baggins in the upcoming movie, The Hobbit.

Seeing Ex-Clippers like Lamar Odom win an NBA championship is a little bit easier to swallow and grasp for Clipper fans, I'm sure. Just be glad that the Lakers didn't win it all last year. Or else you'd probably also be lamenting the fact that Vladimir Radmanovic, who once tried to hit the slopes to fulfill his dreams of Winter X-Games glory, would also forever be immortalized as an NBA Champion.

Yes, this guy:

Join me in a state of bliss.

Summer's Long,
Lawler's Bingo, Chick's Fridge.

SHOWerTIME Fiasco: Kobe Bryant & Ron Artest In Psycho (Lakers Edition)

2009-07-04T20:21:00.000-07:00

Let's backtrack about 13 months ago when the Lakers and Kobe Bryant found themselves in a quite different position than that of today's continual purple and gold euphoria. NBA Finals 2008. Game 6. 39pt blow out. Green and white confetti. KG's "NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!" dyslexic misquote. Kobe mad (not because KG screwed up Adidas's slogan though).

The funny thing is, while many credit this date as the crucial turning point in changing the entire team's whole mentality and toughening them up through adversity, they also fail to recognize one other very significant part about this date that has also since come full circle - it was the day Ron Artest prophesied his Purple and Gold intervention.

According to Kobe Bryant, right after the Lakers lost game six of the 08' NBA Finals in Boston, he rushed to the shower, livid and inconsolable. In the midst of his rage, he suddenly heard somebody walk in and simply assumed that it was just one of his teammates. To his surprise, when he looked up, there Ron Artest stood, right in front of him (naked, I'm not sure, but knowing Ron, 'nothing is impossible'). To this day, Kobe has no idea how Artest got into the locker room.

“I want to come help you,” Artest said. “If I can, I’m going to find a way to come to LA and give you the help you need to win a title.”

Now, that story in and of itself is already quite iRONic (lame, i know), prophetic, and downright hilarious. It perfectly highlights Artest's quirky, weird eccentricities that make him...well, Ron Artest - or the Shower Prophet as I like to call him now.

Anyway, when I heard this story, inbetween my laughter, I found the whole 'Artest popping out of nowhere to surprise Kobe' a little bit creepy. And for some reason, the only images that kept materializing in my head were the iconic shower scenes in Alfred Hitchcock's infamous PSYCHO thriller. Here's how I thought it went down...

(Hey Kob'. Sorry to startle you. It's me, Ron. Just wanna say I'm gonna find a way to come to LA & help you win a ring. K.I.T, H.A.G.S!)

...

So yea, that's how I envisioned that entire shower interaction between the Black Mamba and Tru Warier. Some say I have a vivid imagination. I'd like to take it one step further and say that it's a little more...Psycho.

And you can expect the Purple and Gold to be just a little more Psycho next year as well. Showtime can thank one moment of Showertime for eventually bringing them their Killer.

The Door is closed, The Lights Are Out, The Butter's Gettin' Hard, and the Jello'sss Jigglin,
Jonathan Hernandez aka (Chick's Fridge)

Happy Fourth of July!

Elton Brand Could Never Hit a Trey Like Z-Bo!: Los Angeles Clippers Trade Zach Randolph

2009-07-03T14:35:00.000-07:00

I remember shouting out loud with my section that EB could never hit a three like that! (Here's Zach Randolph doing exactly that. Amazing JUST Happened.)

Chatting with Chick's Fridge and Lawler's Law on the recent Zach Randolph trade to the Memphis Grizzlies:

Lawler’s Law (Mike): I was actually a big time Zach Randolph fan.

Chick’s Fridge (Jon): My condolences.

The kind of guy you'd bring home to your mother.

Lawler’s Law: I was at his first few games at staples center. Clipper nation was still bitter over Elton Brand. And Z-Bo helped us get over EB.

Chick’s Fridge: I feel some awkward reminiscin’ coming on. Cue the Korean drama music…

LL: Z-Bo was exciting, especially when he knocked down some big time threes. I remember shouting out loud with my section that EB could never hit a three like that!

CF: Hahah…I guess you gotta hold on to something…I find it hilarious when guys like Z-Bo take random threes like that.

LL: If there was one small portion of gladness that came out of the Clipper ‘s season last year – it was definitely Z-Bo’s first few games. I think they won three straight. We were in euphoria.

CF: I don’t think the Lakers have even lost three straight in two years. I guess you gotta hold on to something.

LL: Anyway, I will gladly cheer for him when Memphis comes into town. But I won’t miss him missing his defensive assignments and letting guys blow past him. Nor will the front office miss his ridiculous contract. Holy crap, the Z-Bo trade saved us $24.6 million. Clips can go after some goods next summer! Holy crap, imagine Lebron James and Kobe Bryant sharing Staples Center.

CF: Looks like the Clips are going to be active in the Summer of 10’. Interesting.

LL: Anyway, with Z-Bo gone, we can start anew. I’m excited to see how Blake Griffin progresses this season. It is exciting to have him on the team.

CF: Yeap, you guys got the only ‘sure thing’ in the draft this year. Wonder how Olowakandi’s doing…He’s so irrelevant now that any swagger he had left has all been jacked by the new Candy Man, Lamar Odom.

LL: Although the starting five of Baron, Gordon, Thornton, Griffin, Kaman doesn’t really jump out at anyone, it does give the clipper nation hope. And I’ll be ecstatic if they play .500 ball this upcoming year. I’m also very interested in seeing Deandre Jordan’s development and I think Eric Gordon is still flying way under the radar.

CF: At the very least, hopefully you guys can relive the 2001 days or something, when people had you guys pegged as one of the most exciting, young teams in the NBA – and everyone was doing the D-Miles, QRich head bump. I guess that’s why you guys traded for Q.Rich. Revival.

LL: Yeah, hopefully. They keep saying they’ll play more up-tempo, but I’ll have to see it to believe it.

CF: Yeah, you gotta have more ‘flatulations’ as Lawler said.

Lawler: "Ahead to Lamar - the lob - THE JAM! WHAT A FLATULATION WATCHING THIS ONE! ME OH MY, WHAT A PLAY!"

LL: Odom to D-miles. Classic.

CF: I still think you guys shouldn’t have turned down the Darko deal with Memphis. Even if he wouldn’t have gotten playing time, in the NBA, it’s never too much to have a luxury of bigs. Plus, his contract is up next year as well. And unlike Q, at least he can play D.

LL: Hmm. I think that’s irrelevant. Kaman, Camby, and Deandre cover the 5 spot.

CF: At the very least, he would have been a good practice player to push the other bigs. Just don’t come crying when someone gets injured. *cough* CAMBY *cough*

LL: I don’t think anyone has ever cried for Darko to be their team’s savior. Who is Darko Milicic? I guess he’s an NBA champion, so what do I know.

…

It starts with Z-Bo, and ends with Darko. It only makes perfect sense here at OhMeOhMy,Jello’sJigglin NBA Chat, where two Clipper and Laker minds collide to provide…we’re not really sure ourselves, but we’ll keep hustlin’.

Fridge is closed, Law’s been Laid,

Jonathan(Lakers) & Mike (Clippers)

Abstract Art-est On Display : In-depth Analysis on Ariza and Artest's Game of Musical Chairs

2009-07-02T19:14:00.000-07:00

Fresh Out the Fridge (the Laker perspective):

Playing pool at Odom's crib. - Ron Artest's Twitter

Whether or not this was truly an update from the Tru Warier himself is irrelevant now, for right after seeing such a seemingly random tidbit on Artest's Twitter late last night, I instantly became certain that Lamar Odom had this particular 96 ball cornered in just the right pocket. Ok fine, so maybe there isn't any pool ball that's numbered 96, but as of tonight, July 2nd, 2009, there IS a new Laker that's numbered 96 (although knowing Artest, he'll probably choose a new number...like 3.14), and we can all thank Odom, pool, and candy for that! In reality, Buss and Mitch reportedly sat down with Ron Artest for a cup of tea today and prodded him to eventually join the Purple and Gold. The Twitter story just sounded more interesting. Although I'm sure Lamar "The CandyMan" Odom, who Artest played organized ball with in Queens as a kid, played a crucial role in Artest's final decision - his sweet stash and Laker eye candy were probably too much for Artest to say 'No' to. That sounded inappropriate.

In regards to Trevor Ariza, Laker fans can only lament his sad fate and thank him for his hustle, hard work, and overall admirable services in helping the team get its 15th Championship. However, as is so often the case in these sorts of dealings, the business side of things had to come in and ruin all the fun. Enter Agent David Lee, who after hard-balling Buss and Kupchak for the past 24 hours and attempting to squeeze out as much payday from them as he could, now finds himself having to tell his client (who grew up in LA, loves LA, and supposedly "bleeds purple and gold") that he will have to settle for the mid-level offer and continue playing with a Chinese teammate...except this offer was not from the Lakers, and not with the Rising Sun Yue, but from the Houston Rockets, and the Fallen Tower Yao Ming.

(Ron Artest Owning NBA Forward David Lee. On this day, he also owned NBA Agent, David Lee)

Putting it simply, David Lee made a mess out of this entire situation and screwed Ariza over. If there is any similarity between the agent and the Knicks' curly-haired forward (also David Lee), it's that both love to scramble for rebounds. In Agent David Lee's case, the Houston Rockets became his desperate rebound option, and sadly for Trevor, it was his agent, not him, who let the ball slip with the Lakers. David Lee betrayed his client and ironically tried to pull a Trevor Ariza and 'steal' some extra cash from a Laker front office that simply wasn't going to budge. He should have known that the Lakers had an ace in the hole in Ron Artest and that he couldn't win in a bluffing game with Mitch and Jerry, one that he initiated. But who knows, maybe Trevor Ariza will get his chance to shine and see if he can become the cornerstone of a franchise - which is exactly the situation he'll find himself facing on a team with a deteriorating Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady headlining the Rocket Launch (or Failure to Launch, starring Matthew McConaughey).

In the end, I wish him the best and truly hope he can fulfill his utmost potential. Knowing Trevor's focus and strong work ethic, there's no reason to think he won't.

There's also no reason to think that the Lakers won't win their 16th Championship next year either. Provided that the Lakers ink LO7 soon, with the addition of Kobe's new German Shepherd Ron Artest, the Lakers have just gained a little more toughness, offensive power, and...insanity. The wild card. In what was essentially a two-way trade between the Lakers and Rockets for each of their respective forwards, the Lakers came out the glaring victors of this deal for at least the short-term. Artest instantly provides a more polished and reliable three point shot (when he decides to take good shots) and a rough, bull-dog tenacity on defense that will allow Kobe to conserve more energy on the offensive end and prolong his overall productivity for another 3-4 years. He's also just a weird, scary player that others don't really want to rub the wrong way. Translated - the Lakers are now a weird, scary team that hates back rubs (I don't know).

In the end, I'm ecstatic about the trade and ready for another exciting, if not unpredictable, title run in 09-10. For those with doubts about Artest, let's not forget that Phil Jackson was able to reel in a player by the name of Dennis Rodman, who once came to a book signing wearing a wedding dress. Nothing about Dennis Rodman, books, and wedding dresses sound enticing, but he sure did help get Phil some rings. Ron Artest hopes to do the same baby. LAKE TOWN, SHAKE TOWN.

The Fridge Is Closed, The Lights Are Out, The Butter's Getting Hard, and The Jello's Jiggling,
Jonathan Hernandez aka Chick's Fridge

Laying Down The Law (the Clipper perspective):

Imagine playing pick up ball with your buddies. It's point up, win by twos. The game has gone back and forth and the intensity is picking up with each play. Overly zealous players are fighting and shoving for position down on the block, bickering over calls and hard fouls. Finally someone hits the game winner. And just as everyone starts complaining about the shot, you see a friend of yours break off a piece of wood from a bench and shank the guy in the heart.

Such is the background of newest Los Angeles Laker, Ron Artest.

Well known for his hard-nosed play on Defense, Ron's only glaring weakness in recent years is his erroneous assumption that it is to his team's benefit that he should create shots for himself on his own and put up 15-25 FGAs per game. Such assumptions should be put to rest when playing with one who somewhat unerringly feels the same way in Kobe B.

Being on a team where Ron rarely needs to create his own shot, he should benefit greatly on the offensive end over the next few years. It'll be interesting to see how Trevor Ariza does the rest of his career without Kobe creating wide open jumpers for him.

Congrats to the Lakers on not overpaying Ariza, and upgrading to an All Star and former Defensive player of the year in Ron-Ron at the MLE. No doubt about it, they are top dog contenders for the NBA crown over the next 3 years.

This really has no relevance towards the Clippers except that the Lakers have once again stolen the little bit of thunder the Clippers had for a short while just as their fortunes seemed to have turned with Blake Griffin falling into their laps, and desperate enough teams like the Memphis Grizzlies taking on Zach Randolph's $30+ million over the next two years. Just as the Clippers had begun to see glimmers of light at the end of this elongated post-2006 tunnel, the Lakers once again have reminded us all that the Clips are still far off from being an upper-echelon team. But at least the pieces are falling in good places for both teams this offseason.

Lawler's Law Always Prevails,
Mike Whang aka Lawler's Bingo Card