Lakers' Post Preseason Wrap-Up: What We've Learned Thus Far

Kobe: "Yeah, and aside from Pau Gasol, Andrew Bynum, and Lamar Odom, I too also play for the Lakers!!" Artest: "Damnnn, we're that good?!"

So apparently D.J. Mbenga really, and I mean really, likes to shoot mid-range jump shots. Why? I have absolutely no clue. At times it seems as though he just erroneously comes to this horribly misled conclusion that he needs to help pick up the scoring slack behind Kobe and carry this young, offensively challenged team (yeah right) all on his own. Well, I don’t care if he makes 10 jump shots in a row, I will never trust D.J. Mbenga with that shot…unless he’s blocking himself and the ball ricochets off to any other Laker player for a better shot. Stick to the blocks, Deej - that's one area you can let yourself get carried away with all you want (especially on all the Kenyon Martins of the world).

With that little vent out of the way, let’s move on to the more significant developments of the preseason – LIKE BLAKE GRIFFIN ABSOLUTELY ERASING D.J. MBENGA’S LIFE with a thunderous dunk during the Lakers-Clippers Staples shoot out!! Ok ok, I’ll lay off Congo Cash. Promise.

So as the Lakers wrapped up their preseason run this past Friday against the Denver Nuggets to finish 6-2, Laker fans across the nation were finally afforded a more complete and tangible picture of just how much potential damage and firepower this Laker team can dish-out to the rest of the league this upcoming season. While most of our previous theories were confirmed, there were still some surprisingly welcome, new developments that came to the forefront as well that exceeded even our own expectations. Here’s a mini-recap of all the players and events that proved noteworthy of mention in my mind this preseason (and yes, no more DJ Mbenga talk):

- Ron Artest is who we thought he was – or at least has played how we thought he would play. I had a feeling Ron-Ron would come out as a willing facilitator and a consummate role-player, but even he was a little too tentative for my liking. In spite of this, Artest really surprised me with his crafty handles and his overall court vision, proving himself an adept passer and solid triangle operator. I guess on a team like this, Artest’s underrated playmaking abilities can finally gain the credit it deserves; as he had many great passes to many of the Lakers’ big men this preseason (most notably Andrew Bynum). And even if his shot wasn’t on every night, Artest never failed to bring the intensity and grit on both ends of the court that the Lakers are counting on him for this season. Although, doesn’t it seem like Artest makes a better percentage of his threes by floating and fading away off curls than he does by spotting up as a stand-still, Ariza-like shooter? Regardless, this was, overall, a very solid showing for the Tru Warier in his first, unofficial games as a Laker.

- Andrew Bynum looks like he’s in mid-season, beast-mode form. You know that little mad run Bynum had near the end of December and into January last season when he was a consistent 20-10-2 beast? Yeah, that could come a little earlier this year and even carry itself through the ring ceremony of 10-11. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves…Going into preseason, many of us questioned just how healthy and dedicated Bynum would be this year, coming from an inactive off-season filled primarily by college-like sightseeing and backpacking across the world. Well, those doubts have all been erased after Bynum averaged a cool 20.3 ppg and 7.6 rpg in 6 preseason games for the Lakers. While his blocks, rebounds, and overall defense leave something to be desired for, there’s no questioning the fact that Bynum’s offensive game and diverse skill set in the post are primed and ready to propel him into a break-out, All-Star season. So put your braces on kid, time to show the rest of the league why you were picked ahead of Yaroslav Korolev…I mean, Danny Granger.

- Jordan Farmar and Shannon Brown have switched bodies. In a strange new turn of events, our two young point guards have apparently swapped mentalities this season, as Farmar is now the more triangle-sound and under-control, playmaking point guard while Brown has suddenly become the more offensively assertive, jump-shooting friendly scoring guard (complete with high-flying peanut butter jelly jam-time action, of course). While both have done very admirable jobs with the new roles they’ve undertaken this preseason (even playing surprisingly well together on the court at times), it’s definitely interesting to note the changed dynamic between the two. I have to give it up to Farmar, he has played exceptionally well thus far and has shown a real effective knack for finding his teammates at just the right spots on the floor. We always knew Farmar had the ability to become a great playmaker, but now he finally has the mentality to follow suit with it. We can only hope he continues to keep up this stellar play throughout this season and beyond – especially after we get coaxed into resigning him for the midlevel like we’ve done for so many of our other guys in the past. Regarding Farmar’s counterpart, Brown, who's been a little too trigger happy this preseason, we’ve at least got to hand it to him for making a fair amount of all those shots he's hoisted up (including this new turn-around jay of his from the key that he’s effectively added to his repertoire). We also can’t leave out the fact that Brown has been our most consistent, human highlight reel this entire preseason. Gotta love those statue of liberties from just inside the free throw line – and we also gotta love the prevalent 'guard-pushing-guard' dynamic that’s sure to continue between him and Farmar for the rest of the season.

- The Machine has been retooled. It’s just preseason, but Sasha has definitely started to look like that same-old, annoying prepubescent teen shooter that we’ve all grown to love or hate over these past few years. His shot looks wet, he looks a lot more under-control on offense, and even his pesky, out-of-control defense and oscar-winning flops look just as effective as well. Chalk it up to the Samson-Reversal Effect.

- Adam Morrison, ironically, needs some more ammo in his NBA arsenal. Outside of one hot-streak he went on against the Clippers, where he went 4-4 from downtown, Morrison has, unfortunately, been but a shell of his Gonzaga self this preseason. While things look a bit bleak for him this upcoming season, hopefully he gets another small opportunity here and there to prove that he can contribute in any small way.

- Josh Powell is the next Udonis Haslem. Except Haslem starts for the Heat, and Powell is a secondary reserve on the Lakers’ bench. Enough said. Powell to the people!

- Lamar Odom thinks he’s Antawn Jamison. Odom’s shot has surprisingly been very Khloe Kardashian-on from downtown this preseason. He was also very consistent from three during the playoffs as well last season. Is there a positive correlation of sorts developing here? Hmm…Can Lamar Odom re-define his game to become not only a deadly rebounder, but a deadly outside shooter like Antawn Jamison as well? Well, let’s hope so, because he still apparently can’t make wide open lay-ups. Just don’t get too Mbenga-shot happy, LO.

- Kobe is Kobe. If he’s in contention for the MVP award this year, he’ll win it purely off of his unrelenting intensity and tireless ferocity out on the floor. I mean, the man was diving, throwing his body around, and making fun of Cap’n Kid-Jack all at the same time – during PRESEASON! Who knows, he may only average 24 pts this season, but old pops could still end up holding all the hardware in his hands before all is said and done.

- Get better, Pau-pau! Hopefully between now and Tuesday, Pau gets some good old TLC for his sore hamstring and he’ll be good to go for his showdown with Blake Griffin in the Lakers’ season opener against the Clips.

-The Laker Bench mob likes to ‘stand up’ for their rights by sitting down and crossing their legs. Proving that they’re an innovative, fun bunch, the Laker bench has successfully created the new 09-10 pre-made-basket ritual by which all other teams will try and measure up to for the rest of the season. Cross leg right, stomp twice with right leg, then switch and cross leg left.

Ok, enough talk - let’s Beyonce-up this show already, put a ring on it on Tuesday, and get our Laker basketball on for another championship run in Los Angeles! We'll let D.J. be the first to hoist up the trophy next year too because he's just that money - congo cash money.

The Jello's Jigglin' with anticipation,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

No Homo: Ron Artest Press Conference Recap

I didn't mean to walk in the shower with him. Yeah, I walked in the shower. I'm not a homosexual, but Kobe - he had no clothes on.

On a day when many reporters were asking him how much he's truly changed from his Indiana days of punching people in the stands, Ron Artest calmly countered and jabbed back with many new punch-lines for everyone to mull over. To say the least, it was very entertaining. It may not have been as extravagant as most of Shaq's previous press conferences, but the constant stream of random one-liners that flowed from the jovial and upbeat Artest sure made it seem like the newest Laker had taken some comedic lessons from the Big...Whatever.

Make no mistake about it, coming from a guy that Lakers fans had once always hated and been wary about for so long because of his bad boy image, past history, and annoying bouts of showboating - it's hard to decipher Ron Artest during such celebratory, formal speaking engagements such as this when he's seemingly always on his best behavior, ready to put his best face forward. Here are some paraphrased quotable highlights (I divided them up between the good, the funny, and the...strange):



What You Want to Hear As a Laker Fan (The Good Ron Artest):

• On winning his teammates and coaching staff over: "I gotta win myself over first. Make sure I work on myself this summer - be the best player I can be and come back in tip top condition. He's right. It's not a given that just because you add me to a team, we're the number 1 team."
• "Last couple years, Kobe's really been devoted to defense. And I respect him even more now. He's not gambling as much. He's more focused on stand-still defense."
• "They're a tough team. I thought they were tougher than Boston. I'm a Laker fan. When they were struggling against Boston, I felt bad."
• "My priorities are straight now - play ball first. And then everything comes second."
• "Losing always got me in trouble. I hated losing. Before, I'd always rip jerseys, throw chairs, throw gatorade bottles, throw parties (jk, I added that one, not Artest) - I was so frustrated. Winning 13-15 games with the Bulls. But I've learned that it's ok, and you need to have fun as well."
  
• On having doubters and the pressure that comes with being a Laker - "That's great pressure to have. I want people to come down on me. That's why I like having Kobe, he likes the pressure. I like to prove the doubters who think I can't fit in wrong."
  
• "They love their team. The fans are so confident. The fans are tellin' me, "are you ready to get your ring?" They know they're going to win. That's a great feeling."

Ron Ron's Comedy Time (The Strange-er-Funny Ron Artest):

• "Is TMZ here? Oh, they're not. That's good."
• "Hopefully my clothes make it to LA, if they don't - they can just stay in Houston."
• On hoodalizing the Lakers: "I hoodalized ESPN. I didn't say I hoodalized the Lakers. Noo, I was just playing. It was a joke. I was just off the top of the head at ESPN. You gotta have fun. It's summer time. That comment has nothing to do with the season."
• "Once again I'm vastly underpaid. But it's ok. At the end of the day, if you can't live with $33 million...you can't live."
• How he's changed since the brawl: "I don't lay on tables no more."
• "Following Kobe Bryant - that's a no brainer and I didn't even finish school, you know?"
• Regarding what he'll do with his hair: "I'll do something interesting the first time...something nice and fun for the kids..."
• Bringing out his jersey: "That's not Bynum's jersey is it? Oh, ok. I saw the 7 and was like..17?"
• "Throw Phil Jackson in the 'Mitch'...I mean...in the 'mix'."

The No-Homo Ron Artest:

• "I didn't mean to walk in the shower with him. Yeah, I walked in the shower. I'm not a homosexual, but Kobe - he had no clothes on."

Hi, I'm Ron. This is my straight, no-homo smile.

You've got to hand it to the guy - he was real, down to earth, and at many points, quite hilarious. He was poised and very sincere at times, too real to the point of awkward hilarity at other times, and just plain Ron, the attention grabbing media whore for most of the times. Sometimes his rough play, ridiculous antics on and off court, and his thug-like image can overshadow just how striking and down-to-earth this guy truly is. I'm not sure if he gets some PR help when it comes to his speaking engagements, but...he sure said all the right things to help alleviate the doubts of many skeptic Laker fans out there...and then he said some other things that let us know that we'd all be in for one fun, bi-polar Laker ride this season. And Kobe? He had no clothes on.

Welcome to L.A. Ron-Ron,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

SHOWerTIME Fiasco: Kobe Bryant & Ron Artest In Psycho (Lakers Edition)

Let's backtrack about 13 months ago when the Lakers and Kobe Bryant found themselves in a quite different position than that of today's continual purple and gold euphoria. NBA Finals 2008. Game 6. 39pt blow out. Green and white confetti. KG's "NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!" dyslexic misquote. Kobe mad (not because KG screwed up Adidas's slogan though).

The funny thing is, while many credit this date as the crucial turning point in changing the entire team's whole mentality and toughening them up through adversity, they also fail to recognize one other very significant part about this date that has also since come full circle - it was the day Ron Artest prophesied his Purple and Gold intervention.

According to Kobe Bryant, right after the Lakers lost game six of the 08' NBA Finals in Boston, he rushed to the shower, livid and inconsolable. In the midst of his rage, he suddenly heard somebody walk in and simply assumed that it was just one of his teammates. To his surprise, when he looked up, there Ron Artest stood, right in front of him (naked, I'm not sure, but knowing Ron, 'nothing is impossible'). To this day, Kobe has no idea how Artest got into the locker room.

“I want to come help you,” Artest said. “If I can, I’m going to find a way to come to LA and give you the help you need to win a title.”

Now, that story in and of itself is already quite iRONic (lame, i know), prophetic, and downright hilarious. It perfectly highlights Artest's quirky, weird eccentricities that make him...well, Ron Artest - or the Shower Prophet as I like to call him now.

Anyway, when I heard this story, inbetween my laughter, I found the whole 'Artest popping out of nowhere to surprise Kobe' a little bit creepy. And for some reason, the only images that kept materializing in my head were the iconic shower scenes in Alfred Hitchcock's infamous PSYCHO thriller. Here's how I thought it went down...

(Hey Kob'. Sorry to startle you. It's me, Ron. Just wanna say I'm gonna find a way to come to LA & help you win a ring. K.I.T, H.A.G.S!)

...

So yea, that's how I envisioned that entire shower interaction between the Black Mamba and Tru Warier. Some say I have a vivid imagination. I'd like to take it one step further and say that it's a little more...Psycho.

And you can expect the Purple and Gold to be just a little more Psycho next year as well. Showtime can thank one moment of Showertime for eventually bringing them their Killer.

The Door is closed, The Lights Are Out, The Butter's Gettin' Hard, and the Jello'sss Jigglin,
Jonathan Hernandez aka (Chick's Fridge)

Happy Fourth of July!

Abstract Art-est On Display : In-depth Analysis on Ariza and Artest's Game of Musical Chairs

Fresh Out the Fridge (the Laker perspective):

Playing pool at Odom's crib. - Ron Artest's Twitter

Whether or not this was truly an update from the Tru Warier himself is irrelevant now, for right after seeing such a seemingly random tidbit on Artest's Twitter late last night, I instantly became certain that Lamar Odom had this particular 96 ball cornered in just the right pocket. Ok fine, so maybe there isn't any pool ball that's numbered 96, but as of tonight, July 2nd, 2009, there IS a new Laker that's numbered 96 (although knowing Artest, he'll probably choose a new number...like 3.14), and we can all thank Odom, pool, and candy for that! In reality, Buss and Mitch reportedly sat down with Ron Artest for a cup of tea today and prodded him to eventually join the Purple and Gold. The Twitter story just sounded more interesting. Although I'm sure Lamar "The CandyMan" Odom, who Artest played organized ball with in Queens as a kid, played a crucial role in Artest's final decision - his sweet stash and Laker eye candy were probably too much for Artest to say 'No' to. That sounded inappropriate.



In regards to Trevor Ariza, Laker fans can only lament his sad fate and thank him for his hustle, hard work, and overall admirable services in helping the team get its 15th Championship. However, as is so often the case in these sorts of dealings, the business side of things had to come in and ruin all the fun. Enter Agent David Lee, who after hard-balling Buss and Kupchak for the past 24 hours and attempting to squeeze out as much payday from them as he could, now finds himself having to tell his client (who grew up in LA, loves LA, and supposedly "bleeds purple and gold") that he will have to settle for the mid-level offer and continue playing with a Chinese teammate...except this offer was not from the Lakers, and not with the Rising Sun Yue, but from the Houston Rockets, and the Fallen Tower Yao Ming.


(Ron Artest Owning NBA Forward David Lee. On this day, he also owned NBA Agent, David Lee)

Putting it simply, David Lee made a mess out of this entire situation and screwed Ariza over. If there is any similarity between the agent and the Knicks' curly-haired forward (also David Lee), it's that both love to scramble for rebounds. In Agent David Lee's case, the Houston Rockets became his desperate rebound option, and sadly for Trevor, it was his agent, not him, who let the ball slip with the Lakers. David Lee betrayed his client and ironically tried to pull a Trevor Ariza and 'steal' some extra cash from a Laker front office that simply wasn't going to budge. He should have known that the Lakers had an ace in the hole in Ron Artest and that he couldn't win in a bluffing game with Mitch and Jerry, one that he initiated. But who knows, maybe Trevor Ariza will get his chance to shine and see if he can become the cornerstone of a franchise - which is exactly the situation he'll find himself facing on a team with a deteriorating Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady headlining the Rocket Launch (or Failure to Launch, starring Matthew McConaughey).

In the end, I wish him the best and truly hope he can fulfill his utmost potential. Knowing Trevor's focus and strong work ethic, there's no reason to think he won't.

There's also no reason to think that the Lakers won't win their 16th Championship next year either. Provided that the Lakers ink LO7 soon, with the addition of Kobe's new German Shepherd Ron Artest, the Lakers have just gained a little more toughness, offensive power, and...insanity. The wild card. In what was essentially a two-way trade between the Lakers and Rockets for each of their respective forwards, the Lakers came out the glaring victors of this deal for at least the short-term. Artest instantly provides a more polished and reliable three point shot (when he decides to take good shots) and a rough, bull-dog tenacity on defense that will allow Kobe to conserve more energy on the offensive end and prolong his overall productivity for another 3-4 years. He's also just a weird, scary player that others don't really want to rub the wrong way. Translated - the Lakers are now a weird, scary team that hates back rubs (I don't know).

In the end, I'm ecstatic about the trade and ready for another exciting, if not unpredictable, title run in 09-10. For those with doubts about Artest, let's not forget that Phil Jackson was able to reel in a player by the name of Dennis Rodman, who once came to a book signing wearing a wedding dress. Nothing about Dennis Rodman, books, and wedding dresses sound enticing, but he sure did help get Phil some rings. Ron Artest hopes to do the same baby. LAKE TOWN, SHAKE TOWN.

The Fridge Is Closed, The Lights Are Out, The Butter's Getting Hard, and The Jello's Jiggling,
Jonathan Hernandez aka Chick's Fridge


Laying Down The Law (the Clipper perspective):

Imagine playing pick up ball with your buddies. It's point up, win by twos. The game has gone back and forth and the intensity is picking up with each play. Overly zealous players are fighting and shoving for position down on the block, bickering over calls and hard fouls. Finally someone hits the game winner. And just as everyone starts complaining about the shot, you see a friend of yours break off a piece of wood from a bench and shank the guy in the heart.

Such is the background of newest Los Angeles Laker, Ron Artest.

Well known for his hard-nosed play on Defense, Ron's only glaring weakness in recent years is his erroneous assumption that it is to his team's benefit that he should create shots for himself on his own and put up 15-25 FGAs per game. Such assumptions should be put to rest when playing with one who somewhat unerringly feels the same way in Kobe B.

Being on a team where Ron rarely needs to create his own shot, he should benefit greatly on the offensive end over the next few years. It'll be interesting to see how Trevor Ariza does the rest of his career without Kobe creating wide open jumpers for him.

Congrats to the Lakers on not overpaying Ariza, and upgrading to an All Star and former Defensive player of the year in Ron-Ron at the MLE. No doubt about it, they are top dog contenders for the NBA crown over the next 3 years.

This really has no relevance towards the Clippers except that the Lakers have once again stolen the little bit of thunder the Clippers had for a short while just as their fortunes seemed to have turned with Blake Griffin falling into their laps, and desperate enough teams like the Memphis Grizzlies taking on Zach Randolph's $30+ million over the next two years. Just as the Clippers had begun to see glimmers of light at the end of this elongated post-2006 tunnel, the Lakers once again have reminded us all that the Clips are still far off from being an upper-echelon team. But at least the pieces are falling in good places for both teams this offseason.

Lawler's Law Always Prevails,
Mike Whang aka Lawler's Bingo Card