Walk Like A Man, Prance Like A Pony

I'm a pony! Be ponies out here!
- Lamar Odom

Boston Celtics, Cleveland Cavaliers, Orlando Magic - watch out. Lamar Odom wants you all to know that...The ponies are here. What? Yes. You heard me - Ponies. Odom's not trippin', he's gallopin'. Why didn't the Detroit Pistons ever think of that? Detroit Ponies would have definitely been a more terrifying alternative in team name and mascot choice.

Check out the Lakers' new, alternate road uniforms. It's sure to strike fear into every bodily organ of every opposing straight man.

The Lakers opened up training camp this past Tuesday and the latest newlywed, Lamar Odom, has already laid out the declarative motto of this Championship-Repeating Year. 1,2,3, ring-ring? No, that was soo last year. Try: Bring the Fright with Pony Bright! I don't think even Phil Jackson, in all of his meditative glory, has ever once asked his players to envision themselves as ponies. Frogs on a lily pad, yes. But ponies? Maybe Lamar's going for the counter intuitive approach and letting the rest of the league know that the Lakers are so secure in their manhood that they're fully capable of embracing the pony's prance...

You're not showing me enough PONY out there!!

Forget the Show-Time fastbreak; this year, we're effectively calling it: The Pony Express. This season should prove to be one helluva ride for everyone involved. Pony ride, that is. Put your quarter in, please.

Charlie the Unicorn is pissed,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)
Now part of the TheLakersNation Crew!

3-Year Old Kid Knows the Lakers Better Than Your Mom Does

I'm not even going to add some idiotic, witless intro to this like I usually do, so... just watch this whiz kid:



I bet the Celtic kid can't do that. This little guy is amazing. I'm pretty sure he's the main reason why Lamar Odom decided to stay in LA. Ironic that he had to spend like 24 seconds, the longest out of any player, to decipher Kobe Bryant's number, but only 0.5 seconds to cutely shout out 'Mbenga'. All I know is - impressive. How old are you? And did you even know that Kurt Rambis' jersey number was 31? I only knew he was white. I just hope the cute kid knows his ABC's and 123's just as well though, cus...knowing that #18 is Sasha 'the Machine' Vujacic will never get you very far in life. Neither will actually being Sasha Vujacic the person...

The Fridge Loves Educational Laker Learning,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Lamar Odom: The Missing Piece That Never Fit

Lamar Odom - The Goods, The CandyMan, The Enigma.

Riddle Me This, Candy-Man:

Lamar Odom's life has always paralleled that of a misshapen puzzle piece. Like an out-of-place segment with too many jutting curves, Odom has always been such an enigmatic player - so diverse in his skill-set that nobody could ever quite peg down his true player-type or properly define his game. His coaches have forever tried utilizing him in a variety of different ways: playing him here, playing him there - always hoping that he would somehow develop into the missing piece they needed. Analysts, on the other hand, continually went crazy over how such a creative talent as Odom could simply coast through entire seasons without scoring 30 points at least once a month (or even once a season). For fans, his consistent inconsistency and lackadaisical style of play simply drove them nuts...while Odom simply continued to drive left...and eat nuts (the candied variety). Perfect piece to the puzzle? Hardly; he seemed more like the stray piece to an entirely different one altogether. In the end, many will agree that such an analogous depiction of Odom has always extended far past the figurative comparisons and straight into the literal. Because for most everyone, Lamar Odom has always been, quite literally...puzzling.

Nowadays however, many will concur that he represents a good, unique kind of puzzling. For as frustrating as Odom can be for the team that has him on its roster, opposing teams who don't have him on theirs are equally as frustrated when it comes to defending him. And it's been that way ever since Lamar Odom entered the league...or started dribbling a basketball...or realized he was ridiculously long, lanky, and tall...or started referring to himself in third person...or realized candy was sweet. You get the 'picture'. But let's backtrack first, redo that horrible in-bounds pass with Lamar, and reevaluate the history of an enigmatic player who went from underrated puzzlement to well-deserved underrated-ness... in the 'bling' of an eye.

I'm in L.A., trick. I'm in Miami, trick:

Lamar's Game Winner in Rhode Island. Let the hype begin.

Coming out of Rhode Island and being drafted at #4 by the Clippers in 1999, Lamar Odom was immediately touted as a dynamic, game-changing player that one could build an entire franchise around. Odom was 6'10, with the lanky arms of an adept rebounder, the inherent mentality (and occasional ability) to hit threes like a dead-eye shooter, and the court vision and handles like that of a premiere point guard. His rookie numbers? Try 17 ppg, 8 reb, 4 assts, 1 stl, 1 blk, 36% 3pt. Numbers of a star. There was definitely nothing puzzling about those numbers, but up-and-coming stars usually tend to top their own impressive starts year-by-year, not plateau out as Odom eventually did. He showed flashes in his first few years in red and blue, but after awhile (after some unfortunate injury-riddled seasons and continual underwhelming performances), it became apparent that, even for the struggling Clippers of the early 2000's, Odom simply was not built to be the dynamic franchise player that everyone was demanding him to be.

As his rookie contract ran out, the Clippers inevitably turned their eyes away from Odom and set their sights towards more established franchise-pieces such as Elton Brand, allowing other teams like the Heat to take their own chances with the high-risk forward. The Heat did just that in 2003, signing him to a lucrative contract and bringing him to the warmer beaches of Miami (I'll make this quick in sensitivity to all of our recent apprehensive indignations towards a Heat-Wade Summer), a place where he experienced one of the most efficient and noteworthy campaigns of his career. For the first time, he confidently and successfully took on the role as the designated team leader, legitimately almost making the all-star team and nearly leading a young core of Dwayne Wade and Caron Butler to the eastern conference finals. It was a 'revival by Heat' of sorts, but just when he thought he had finallyfound his niche, he was sent packing once again back to Los Angeles - except this time, it was with the legendary Purple & Gold.


I'm in L.A., trick...again:

As if he hadn't been burdened enough with high expectations in the past...He was always expected to be the star, but a star on teams like the Clippers and the Heat (no disrespect). This was Kobe and the Lakers. Careers rose or fell based on championship involvement(or lack thereof). Somewhat fittingly at the time, the Shaq trade to Miami was remembered more by Laker fans as the deal that failed to include Dwayne Wade than the deal that garnered them Caron Butler and Lamar Odom. Typical Odom neglect. (Sorry, Brian Grant.)

Where the eff is Wade...

And it was neglect (and a larger feeling of disdain) that Odom would receive from Laker fans during much of his early years with the Lakers, as he and Kobe failed to mesh and, more importantly, make it out of the first round of the playoffs.

When the Lakers traded Caron Butler away to the Wizards and watched him blossom into an all-star, many wondered why the Lakers hadn't kept Butler and traded away Lamar Odom instead. In Washington, Caron Butler was seemingly morphing into the exact Scottie Pippen type player that people had always dreamed of pairing Kobe with, while Odom was simply becoming more and more known as the dead-weight player that took Dwayne Wade's spot in the Shaquille O'neal trade. It also didn't help that the guy the Lakers got in return for Butler was the great KwaMAY Brown, starting power forward for the Sucklahoma City Busts alongside Darko Milicic and Michael Olowakandi. Regardless, it became very clear during Odom's earlier tenure with the Purple & Gold that the Scottie Pippen/Magic Johnson labels continually being tacked onto him were never going to stick (his candy always had a better chance of sticking to him than those lofty comparisons).

Supporting Greatness:

Everything changed in 2008 when Pau Gasol got traded to the Lakers and Odom went from being second option failure to... role player (and eventually) bench player extraordinaire. For the first time in his career, even while Odom's stats dropped significantly across the board (from 14 pts to 11, 10 reb. to 8), fans finally began recognizing just how significant his contributions truly were to a burgeoning Laker team vying for contention. He literally did what was best for the team in every situation. Whether it was taking a backseat and letting his stats slip for the betterment of a deep, developing Laker squad, or being completely ready to take over the reigns as the starting power forward once Andrew Bynum went down (and doing a better job of it too), Odom once again displayed that stats never truly tell the entire story when it comes to describing true value.


In the latter part of the playoffs this year, and especially these past Finals, Odom stopped coasting and showed the world what a true force he can be on the court when he plays with a little more sustained focus and intensity. For once, instead of relying solely on his God-given talent to do just enough to get by, he relied on his God-given heart (the same heart that got him through two horrific deaths in his life) to summon forth his utmost effort night-in and night-out, despite also battling against an excruciatingly sore back, to play some of his best, most inspired ball during the latter part of the Lakers' playoff run. Through his gritty perseverance, Odom helped turn the Lakers' 'soft' label around by providing a much-needed toughness to a team constantly in search of brave souls (besides Bryant) who were willing to stand in the trenches and get their hands dirty.

In winning his first ever NBA title this past June, Odom displayed his true versatility in more ways than one - not only in his ability to play multiple positions on the court and display a full repertoire of skills, but in his ability to do whatever was asked of him to perfection. Coming into the NBA, he was supposed to be the go-to guy who could do it all, and when he showed everyone how effective he could be at doing less, we now realize...he can do it all. We were just focusing too much on the flashier statistics and honors to realize it back then.

The True Heart of a Candy-Man:

In reality, outside of adding a little more mental toughness and overall intensity to his play, Odom hasn't really done anything revolutionary to his game which he hasn't already done in any of his previous years with the Lakers. It just didn't work out back then because those previous Laker teams (Smush Parker, Kwame Brown, Brian Cook) needed him to perfect his scoring game, even when he had already perfected filling up every other statistical category in the game (including the weirdest turn-overs stat). And while a little more consistency and overall focus can always be asked of Odom, it's hard to stay mad at such a silly, down-to-earth personality who, despite all of his life struggles, has continued to live his life like a carefree, A.D.D. child who continually sees a more optimistic, hopeful scenario to every obstacle placed in front of him.

Odom brings so many small intangibles to the game whenever he's on the court, but his contributions often go under-appreciated because the fans and the media want what's tangible - and that usually means high scoring statistics and eye-grabbing highlight plays they can cling unto. But Odom has never been and never will be that dominant 20 pt scorer that people have always clamored for, even though he could probably avg 20pts in his sleep if he truly wanted to. He's that talented without trying, and maybe that's what's frustrated people the most about him - that someone with as much natural talent as Lamar Odom could never quite connect all the dots and fulfill his true potential as the complete NBA star that everyone else saw in him.

Things Hit A Sour Patch, But All things End Sweet for L.A.:

This past July, after experiencing what it's like for the first time to not have 100% clarity over Odom's future as a Laker for life, Laker fans can all humbly admit that they've greatly taken his presence here in L.A. for granted. Every summer since he's joined the team, Lamar Odom has always been the main trading chip that fans wanted to parlay over to other teams in exchange for more proven stars. Now he's the guy everyone wants to keep and secretly, we're terrified at the thought of seeing him in another jersey against us. And while at times, overall negotiations and even Lamar himself were as frustrating and puzzling as he's always been, Lakers' fans all knew inside that they did not want to lose such a solid, upstanding human being, much less a solid, versatile basketball player.

I want to win 6,7,8,9,10 more titles. (We always knew you'd play till 40.)

Fortunately for everyone repping P&G, cooler heads prevailed this Summer and the Lakers and L.O. sour-patched things up to meet in the middle, as Odom once again played his role to perfection by ultimately sacrificing himself for the betterment of the team. Except this time, his acts of humble unselfishness had nothing to do with basketball courts or playing time. In the end, Odom sacrificed not only his money, but a part of his pride as well, never opting to take things personally during negotiations even though inside, he was definitely hurt by Buss's first offer withdrawal. Despite what others may say, Lamar Odom was definitely the bigger man this Summer; as he usually always has been. Instead of confiscating tapes, eating Vaseline, blaming it on the devil, or crying and immediately jetting to Miami with Will Smith, Odom saw the bigger picture - the winning one. And Laker fans could not have been more overjoyed by that fact, as he finally re-signed with the Lake-Show on the 30th of July. Today, the only 'Lamar Sucks' insults you'll hear from Laker fans will be the ones accompanied by the word 'lollipop' at the end.

World Piece - World Championship Piece:

Kung Fu Panda's Furious Five Has Got Nothin' On Ours.

He's the piece that can seemingly fit into a number of different spots on the puzzle board, but can never quite fit into that one spot when you actually try. It's because of this reason that he's usually disregarded and kept to the side while the more important, less complicated pieces are assembled first. For too long, teams including the Lakers have tried fitting Odom into the more focal spots near the center of the puzzle board - even when his true place has always been near the corners. While we all know full well who the central pieces are going to be on the team this upcoming season(Kobe, Gasol, Bynum, Artest), we now also realize that the complementary corners are going to be the main points of difference by which sustained success shall hinge upon - especially when people are always so easily drawn to the more dynamic center to even notice just how important the supporting borders truly are. Today, Odom is no longer regarded as the confusing piece that never fit, but as the missing one that completes the whole picture - a picture that looks a whole lot like a championship dynasty with him in place. After all, he does want "6,7..8,9,10 more championships."

I have a feeling...that this year's gonna be a good, good year. Thank you Black-Eyed Peas.

The Fridge Is No Longer Puzzled,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Gobstopper Affair: Web Reactions to Lamar Odom's Dilly-Dallying

One day, he's ready to pledge his allegiance to all things purple and gold and commit himself to dynastic championship lore. The next day, he's in Heat like a dog, anxiously ready to exchange Kobe and LA for Wade and Miam-ay.

Willy Wonka holding an ever-lasting Gobstopper. The way things have been going lately, he looks a lot closer to wearing the purple and gold than Lamar is.

At this point, trying to predict the end-time for all things Lamar Odom-related and which way he might be leaning towards at any particularly given hour is like trying to predict the end-time of an everlasting Gobstopper and what specific colors it'll change to as it melts in your mouth at any particularly given minute. The only real givens are that it'll take a really long time, there will be lots of varying colors involved (just like Lamar's fashion), and Lamar Odom still likes sweets. And you may end up just biting something or someone before waiting for it all to unfold.

Following these negotiations, with its conflicting reports and flip-flopping sandal tendencies, has become so wearisome that I find it to be purely comical now. For all us Laker fans alike, it's literally time to stop hitting ourselves over the heads agonizing over whether or not we should finally pull out our sweet-tooth towards everyone's favorite 6'10 chocolate candy bar (I love taking these L.O.-candy analogies to really strange, far-off places.). At this point, it's time to just relax and have fun.

Regardless of whether or not Lamar Odom returns, the Lakers will survive. Us fans will survive. And Adam Morrison will survive, resurrect his career, and take over the league. Take that, Odom.

Lamar Odom is amused. We haven't been.

Clearly, all of these negotiations involving Buss, Odom, the Laker front office, and now, D-Wade the Desperate and Pat Riley the Parrot have made us all a little crazy. But if we just take a step back from all the mayhem and coolly regain some of our previous World-Championship-like composure (an oxymoron, I'm sure), we'll be able to see just how ridiculously serious, dramatic, and worked up we were over such a hilarious stand-up comedy show! Let's not miss out on all the fun anymore. Here are just a few of the funny web-reactions towards the L.O. dealings by a couple of familiar faces :

1. D-Wade's Bird-Call of Love:

This is for Lamar Odom...come back to where it started for the both of us..the franchise u helped build back up wants u to End it all here. 8:58 AM Jul 25th from TweetGenius

- dwadeofficial

Wade's funny. What is this? A Korean drama? ..I recommend Autumn In My Heart.

2. Keri Hilson's Song-Dedication for Lamar:




Yes, Keri Hilson's song "Energy", is in fact about Lamar Odom. Take a look at some of the lyrics...

Chances fadin' now,
Patience runnin' out,
This ain't how it's supposed to be.

I'm havin' nightmares from sleepin' with the enemy, (enemy) (no no)
How do we reverse the chemistry? (chemistry)
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is takin' all of my energy, (energy)
Energy, (energy)
My energy, (energy)
Takin' all of my energy, (energy)
Energy, (energy)
My energy, (energy)
Takin' all of (my energy).

Keri Hilson seems to be a bit tired...

3. Stephon Marbury Crying At the Thought of Lamar Leaving the Lakers:




Yes, he's that big of a Laker fan. Level up, Marbs. I mean...suck it up.

...

Anyway, just thought it was time to take a different approach on handling all these L.O.-blow shenanigans by totally smashing on it. Here's to hoping these stalled negotiations NEVER END. That's right, I hope they LAST FOREVER, like a fricken' everlasting Gobstopper.

Who am I kidding, end this already. Like Hoopsworld/Laker analyst Eric Pincus stated so cleverly earlier today on his twitter:

L.A. is on the left coast, Miami on the right - do what comes natural L.O. and go left.
(paraphrased...that's right, we're paraphrasing twitter quotes now)

Don't stop till you get enough...

The Fridge is still waiting,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Under the Buss Negotiations: L.O.- Lakers Deal Appears Imminent?

Apparently there's an end to this game after all...

In observing the recent ebb and flow of all things Lamar Odom-related , it appears likely that an Odom-Lakers deal is imminent. According to AM830 Roger Lodge, Lamar Odom met with Dr. Buss in a room (as opposed to a hot tub) and will stay with the Lakers for 4 years/$40M. This isn't official, but news and opinions from around the league seem to coincide with this same likelihood. [Update] As recently as Wednesday, July 22, L.A. Times has confirmed that Buss and Odom have reopened negotiations and that things are looking very productive.

Furthermore, Luke Walton gave this assurance to people at a public tournament (for curly hair) he attended this past weekend:

LO will be a Laker. Trust me.

It's Luuke. You'd be wise to trust. Or he'll make you trust...with his Jedi mind tricks.

To recap all the tension and strife between these back-and-forth negotiations with Lamar Odom and Jerry Buss, here's a parody video that gives us an in-depth look at just how fiery things got:



Best Quote:

"Maybe if we wait it out, Odom will finally come down off this sugar high and quit being such a douche cake."

Fortunately for everyone, this game of Candy Land is finally drawing to a conclusion, and here in L.A., it's never too out of the question for everyone to get his equal share of the cake. Minus the douche.

The Fridge Is Cooling Tensions,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)

Not So Sweet Goodbye: Lakers LOw On Sugar?

Was this really the team that just won the championship? I hope this isn't the start of some really bad snowballs rolling our way. Too up and down a Summer for me, and I think I might throw up soon.

Recap of events in the last month and a half:

Trevor Ariza leaves. Sad turn of events for the L.A. native.

Ron Artest signs for a relatively cheap contract by his standards. Repeat here we come!

Sasha Vujacic is still a Laker. And still getting paid $5 mill a year. "Why?" - some child in Africa.

Shannon Brown turns down a more lucrative contract with the Indiana Pacers to resign with the Lakers. Heart of a champion!

Lamar Odom and his agent turn down a $9 mill a year for 3 years deal after the Lakers raised their offer from $7 mill a year. Odom's been chewing on those sour patches a little too much. Sucks like a month-old lollipop Odom forgot under his bed.

Adam Morrison seems fully healthy and ready to revive his career, avg 20 pts through his first 4 games in the Vegas Summer League. Resurgence of the Bird Apparent!

And in recent developments, the Lakers front office has seemingly pulled the offer from the table, obviously frustrated with how negotiations with Odom's agent have gone. Don't play hard-ball with the front office. EFF!

[Update: Odom was offered $30 mill/3 years OR $36mill/4 years...Odom's camp rejected both. Odom led the Lakers with 1.3 rejections last season. He's good at rejections. Buss? Even better. Offer officially withdrawn.]

Sour, I know.

...

Well, fans who have clamored for a Lamar Odom trade almost every summer that he's been a Laker will finally get their wish - although this summer, it's probably their biggest dread. There will be no sugar rush in L.A. next year, but there will still be rush hour...

What was shaping up to be a Summer of Greater Expectations for the 2009 World Champion Lakers has quickly turned into a Summer of Absolute Discontent. How could feelings of champagne bliss switch to grievances of contract piss so quickly? But really, after the unfortunate mishandling of Trevor Ariza's contract (who still desperately wants to be a Laker despite symbolically stepping into T-Mac's #1 jersey), and the recent signings of Shannon Brown and Ron Artest (who both turned down more money to play for the Lakers) - how has it come to this?

The Lakers aren't betraying their players, the players aren't betraying their teams - it's the agents who are betraying their own common sense (if they were ever once not clogged by dollar signs).

I'm not sure what to make of this recent speculation that the Lakers have withdrawn their offer from Odom's camp, but I do know that it will be a very sad day in L.A. when Lamar Odom officially leaves and signs with another team - regardless of who we may think is in the wrong. Unfortunately, it is pride and greed that have made their presence known more than anything else this past summer when it comes to the arena of cordial diplomacy and contractual business - and that's never been a recipe for anything sweet.

Click here for the source of sourness.

Expect the worst. Be surprised by the best.

[More on this as it develops...]

The Fridge Is Almost Closed Lamar,
Jonathan Hernandez (Chick's Fridge)